The Taming of the Shrew

The Taming of the Shrew

ACT I SCENE II	Padua. Before HORTENSIO'S house.
	Enter PETRUCHIO and his man GRUMIO
PETRUCHIO	Verona, for a while I take my leave,
	To see my friends in Padua, but of all
	My best beloved and approved friend,
	Hortensio; and I trow this is his house.	5
	Here, sirrah Grumio; knock, I say.
GRUMIO	Knock, sir! whom should I knock? is there man has
	rebused your worship?
PETRUCHIO	Villain, I say, knock me here soundly.
GRUMIO	Knock you here, sir! why, sir, what am I, sir, that	10
	I should knock you here, sir?
PETRUCHIO	Villain, I say, knock me at this gate
	And rap me well, or I'll knock your knave's pate.
GRUMIO	My master is grown quarrelsome. I should knock
	you first,	15
	And then I know after who comes by the worst.
PETRUCHIO	Will it not be?
	Faith, sirrah, an you'll not knock, I'll ring it;
	I'll try how you can sol, fa, and sing it.
	He wrings him by the ears
GRUMIO	Help, masters, help! my master is mad.	20
PETRUCHIO	Now, knock when I bid you, sirrah villain!
	Enter HORTENSIO
HORTENSIO	How now! what's the matter? My old friend Grumio!
	and my good friend Petruchio! How do you all at Verona?
PETRUCHIO	Signior Hortensio, come you to part the fray?
	'Con tutto il cuore, ben trovato,' may I say.	25
HORTENSIO	'Alla nostra casa ben venuto, molto honorato signor
	mio Petruchio.' Rise, Grumio, rise: we will compound
	this quarrel.
GRUMIO	Nay, 'tis no matter, sir, what he 'leges in Latin.
	if this be not a lawful case for me to leave his	30
	service, look you, sir, he bid me knock him and rap
	him soundly, sir: well, was it fit for a servant to
	use his master so, being perhaps, for aught I see,
	two and thirty, a pip out? Whom would to God I had
	well knock'd at first, Then had not Grumio come by the worst.	35
PETRUCHIO	A senseless villain! Good Hortensio,
	I bade the rascal knock upon your gate
	And could not get him for my heart to do it.
GRUMIO	Knock at the gate! O heavens! Spake you not these
	words plain, 'Sirrah, knock me here, rap me here,	40
	knock me well, and knock me soundly'? And come you
	now with, 'knocking at the gate'?
PETRUCHIO	Sirrah, be gone, or talk not, I advise you.
HORTENSIO	Petruchio, patience; I am Grumio's pledge:
	Why, this's a heavy chance 'twixt him and you,	45
	Your ancient, trusty, pleasant servant Grumio.
	And tell me now, sweet friend, what happy gale
	Blows you to Padua here from old Verona?
PETRUCHIO	Such wind as scatters young men through the world,
	To seek their fortunes farther than at home	50
	Where small experience grows. But in a few,
	Signior Hortensio, thus it stands with me:
	Antonio, my father, is deceased;
	And I have thrust myself into this maze,
	Haply to wive and thrive as best I may:	55
	Crowns in my purse I have and goods at home,
	And so am come abroad to see the world.
HORTENSIO	Petruchio, shall I then come roundly to thee
	And wish thee to a shrewd ill-favour'd wife?
	Thou'ldst thank me but a little for my counsel:	60
	And yet I'll promise thee she shall be rich
	And very rich: but thou'rt too much my friend,
	And I'll not wish thee to her.
PETRUCHIO	Signior Hortensio, 'twixt such friends as we
	Few words suffice; and therefore, if thou know	65
	One rich enough to be Petruchio's wife,
	As wealth is burden of my wooing dance,
	Be she as foul as was Florentius' love,
	As old as Sibyl and as curst and shrewd
	As Socrates' Xanthippe, or a worse,	70
	She moves me not, or not removes, at least,
	Affection's edge in me, were she as rough
	As are the swelling Adriatic seas:
	I come to wive it wealthily in Padua;
	If wealthily, then happily in Padua.	75
GRUMIO	Nay, look you, sir, he tells you flatly what his
	mind is: Why give him gold enough and marry him to
	a puppet or an aglet-baby; or an old trot with ne'er
	a tooth in her head, though she have as many diseases
	as two and fifty horses: why, nothing comes amiss,	80
	so money comes withal.
HORTENSIO	Petruchio, since we are stepp'd thus far in,
	I will continue that I broach'd in jest.
	I can, Petruchio, help thee to a wife
	With wealth enough and young and beauteous,	85
	Brought up as best becomes a gentlewoman:
	Her only fault, and that is faults enough,
	Is that she is intolerable curst
	And shrewd and froward, so beyond all measure
	That, were my state far worser than it is,	90
	I would not wed her for a mine of gold.
PETRUCHIO	Hortensio, peace! thou know'st not gold's effect:
	Tell me her father's name and 'tis enough;
	For I will board her, though she chide as loud
	As thunder when the clouds in autumn crack.	95
HORTENSIO	Her father is Baptista Minola,
	An affable and courteous gentleman:
	Her name is Katharina Minola,
	Renown'd in Padua for her scolding tongue.
PETRUCHIO	I know her father, though I know not her;	100
	And he knew my deceased father well.
	I will not sleep, Hortensio, till I see her;
	And therefore let me be thus bold with you
	To give you over at this first encounter,
	Unless you will accompany me thither.	105
GRUMIO	I pray you, sir, let him go while the humour lasts.
	O' my word, an she knew him as well as I do, she
	would think scolding would do little good upon him:
	she may perhaps call him half a score knaves or so:
	why, that's nothing; an he begin once, he'll rail in	110
	his rope-tricks. I'll tell you what sir, an she
	stand him but a little, he will throw a figure in
	her face and so disfigure her with it that she
	shall have no more eyes to see withal than a cat.
	You know him not, sir.	115
HORTENSIO	Tarry, Petruchio, I must go with thee,
	For in Baptista's keep my treasure is:
	He hath the jewel of my life in hold,
	His youngest daughter, beautiful Binaca,
	And her withholds from me and other more,	120
	Suitors to her and rivals in my love,
	Supposing it a thing impossible,
	For those defects I have before rehearsed,
	That ever Katharina will be woo'd;
	Therefore this order hath Baptista ta'en,	125
	That none shall have access unto Bianca
	Till Katharina the curst have got a husband.
GRUMIO	Katharina the curst!
	A title for a maid of all titles the worst.
HORTENSIO	Now shall my friend Petruchio do me grace,	130
	And offer me disguised in sober robes
	To old Baptista as a schoolmaster
	Well seen in music, to instruct Bianca;
	That so I may, by this device, at least
	Have leave and leisure to make love to her	135
	And unsuspected court her by herself.
GRUMIO	Here's no knavery! See, to beguile the old folks,
	how the young folks lay their heads together!
	Enter GREMIO, and LUCENTIO disguised
	Master, master, look about you: who goes there, ha?
HORTENSIO	Peace, Grumio! it is the rival of my love.	140
	Petruchio, stand by a while.
GRUMIO	A proper stripling and an amorous!
GREMIO	O, very well; I have perused the note.
	Hark you, sir: I'll have them very fairly bound:
	All books of love, see that at any hand;	145
	And see you read no other lectures to her:
	You understand me: over and beside
	Signior Baptista's liberality,
	I'll mend it with a largess. Take your paper too,
	And let me have them very well perfumed	150
	For she is sweeter than perfume itself
	To whom they go to. What will you read to her?
LUCENTIO	Whate'er I read to her, I'll plead for you
	As for my patron, stand you so assured,
	As firmly as yourself were still in place:	155
	Yea, and perhaps with more successful words
	Than you, unless you were a scholar, sir.
GREMIO	O this learning, what a thing it is!
GRUMIO	O this woodcock, what an ass it is!
PETRUCHIO	Peace, sirrah!	160
HORTENSIO	Grumio, mum! God save you, Signior Gremio.
GREMIO	And you are well met, Signior Hortensio.
	Trow you whither I am going? To Baptista Minola.
	I promised to inquire carefully
	About a schoolmaster for the fair Bianca:	165
	And by good fortune I have lighted well
	On this young man, for learning and behavior
	Fit for her turn, well read in poetry
	And other books, good ones, I warrant ye.
HORTENSIO	'Tis well; and I have met a gentleman	170
	Hath promised me to help me to another,
	A fine musician to instruct our mistress;
	So shall I no whit be behind in duty
	To fair Bianca, so beloved of me.
GREMIO	Beloved of me; and that my deeds shall prove.	175
GRUMIO	And that his bags shall prove.
HORTENSIO	Gremio, 'tis now no time to vent our love:
	Listen to me, and if you speak me fair,
	I'll tell you news indifferent good for either.
	Here is a gentleman whom by chance I met,	180
	Upon agreement from us to his liking,
	Will undertake to woo curst Katharina,
	Yea, and to marry her, if her dowry please.
GREMIO	So said, so done, is well.
	Hortensio, have you told him all her faults?	185
PETRUCHIO	I know she is an irksome brawling scold:
	If that be all, masters, I hear no harm.
GREMIO	No, say'st me so, friend? What countryman?
PETRUCHIO	Born in Verona, old Antonio's son:
	My father dead, my fortune lives for me;	190
	And I do hope good days and long to see.
GREMIO	O sir, such a life, with such a wife, were strange!
	But if you have a stomach, to't i' God's name:
	You shall have me assisting you in all.
	But will you woo this wild-cat?	195
PETRUCHIO	Will I live?
GRUMIO	Will he woo her? ay, or I'll hang her.
PETRUCHIO	Why came I hither but to that intent?
	Think you a little din can daunt mine ears?
	Have I not in my time heard lions roar?	200
	Have I not heard the sea puff'd up with winds
	Rage like an angry boar chafed with sweat?
	Have I not heard great ordnance in the field,
	And heaven's artillery thunder in the skies?
	Have I not in a pitched battle heard	205
	Loud 'larums, neighing steeds, and trumpets' clang?
	And do you tell me of a woman's tongue,
	That gives not half so great a blow to hear
	As will a chestnut in a farmer's fire?
	Tush, tush! fear boys with bugs.	210
GRUMIO	For he fears none.
GREMIO	Hortensio, hark:
	This gentleman is happily arrived,
	My mind presumes, for his own good and ours.
HORTENSIO	I promised we would be contributors	215
	And bear his charging of wooing, whatsoe'er.
GREMIO	And so we will, provided that he win her.
GRUMIO	I would I were as sure of a good dinner.
	Enter TRANIO brave, and BIONDELLO
TRANIO	Gentlemen, God save you. If I may be bold,
	Tell me, I beseech you, which is the readiest way	220
	To the house of Signior Baptista Minola?
BIONDELLO	He that has the two fair daughters: is't he you mean?
TRANIO	Even he, Biondello.
GREMIO	Hark you, sir; you mean not her to--
TRANIO	Perhaps, him and her, sir: what have you to do?	225
PETRUCHIO	Not her that chides, sir, at any hand, I pray.
TRANIO	I love no chiders, sir. Biondello, let's away.
LUCENTIO	Well begun, Tranio.
HORTENSIO	Sir, a word ere you go;
	Are you a suitor to the maid you talk of, yea or no?	230
TRANIO	And if I be, sir, is it any offence?
GREMIO	No; if without more words you will get you hence.
TRANIO	Why, sir, I pray, are not the streets as free
	For me as for you?
GREMIO	But so is not she.	235
TRANIO	For what reason, I beseech you?
GREMIO	For this reason, if you'll know,
	That she's the choice love of Signior Gremio.
HORTENSIO	That she's the chosen of Signior Hortensio.
TRANIO	Softly, my masters! if you be gentlemen,	240
	Do me this right; hear me with patience.
	Baptista is a noble gentleman,
	To whom my father is not all unknown;
	And were his daughter fairer than she is,
	She may more suitors have and me for one.	245
	Fair Leda's daughter had a thousand wooers;
	Then well one more may fair Bianca have:
	And so she shall; Lucentio shall make one,
	Though Paris came in hope to speed alone.
GREMIO	What! this gentleman will out-talk us all.	250
LUCENTIO	Sir, give him head: I know he'll prove a jade.
PETRUCHIO	Hortensio, to what end are all these words?
HORTENSIO	Sir, let me be so bold as ask you,
	Did you yet ever see Baptista's daughter?
TRANIO	No, sir; but hear I do that he hath two,	255
	The one as famous for a scolding tongue
	As is the other for beauteous modesty.
PETRUCHIO	Sir, sir, the first's for me; let her go by.
GREMIO	Yea, leave that labour to great Hercules;
	And let it be more than Alcides' twelve.	260
PETRUCHIO	Sir, understand you this of me in sooth:
	The youngest daughter whom you hearken for
	Her father keeps from all access of suitors,
	And will not promise her to any man
	Until the elder sister first be wed:	265
	The younger then is free and not before.
TRANIO	If it be so, sir, that you are the man
	Must stead us all and me amongst the rest,
	And if you break the ice and do this feat,
	Achieve the elder, set the younger free	270
	For our access, whose hap shall be to have her
	Will not so graceless be to be ingrate.
HORTENSIO	Sir, you say well and well you do conceive;
	And since you do profess to be a suitor,
	You must, as we do, gratify this gentleman,	275
	To whom we all rest generally beholding.
TRANIO	Sir, I shall not be slack: in sign whereof,
	Please ye we may contrive this afternoon,
	And quaff carouses to our mistress' health,
	And do as adversaries do in law,	280
	Strive mightily, but eat and drink as friends.
GRUMIO	\|
	\| O excellent motion! Fellows, let's be gone.
BIONDELLO	\|
HORTENSIO	The motion's good indeed and be it so,	285
	Petruchio, I shall be your ben venuto.
	Exeunt