Hamlet

Hamlet

ACT V SCENE I	A churchyard.
	Enter two Clowns, with spades, &c
First Clown	Is she to be buried in Christian burial that
	wilfully seeks her own salvation?
Second Clown	I tell thee she is: and therefore make her grave
	straight: the crowner hath sat on her, and finds it	5
	Christian burial.
First Clown	How can that be, unless she drowned herself in her
	own defence?
Second Clown	Why, 'tis found so.
First Clown	It must be 'se offendendo;' it cannot be else. For	10
	here lies the point: if I drown myself wittingly,
	it argues an act: and an act hath three branches: it
	is, to act, to do, to perform: argal, she drowned
	herself wittingly.
Second Clown	Nay, but hear you, goodman delver,--	15
First Clown	Give me leave. Here lies the water; good: here
	stands the man; good; if the man go to this water,
	and drown himself, it is, will he, nill he, he
	goes,--mark you that; but if the water come to him
	and drown him, he drowns not himself: argal, he	20
	that is not guilty of his own death shortens not his own life.
Second Clown	But is this law?
First Clown	Ay, marry, is't; crowner's quest law.
Second Clown	Will you ha' the truth on't? If this had not been
	a gentlewoman, she should have been buried out o'	25
	Christian burial.
First Clown	Why, there thou say'st: and the more pity that
	great folk should have countenance in this world to
	drown or hang themselves, more than their even
	Christian. Come, my spade. There is no ancient	30
	gentleman but gardeners, ditchers, and grave-makers:
	they hold up Adam's profession.
Second Clown	Was he a gentleman?
First Clown	He was the first that ever bore arms.
Second Clown	Why, he had none.	35
First Clown	What, art a heathen? How dost thou understand the
	Scripture? The Scripture says 'Adam digged:'
	could he dig without arms? I'll put another
	question to thee: if thou answerest me not to the
	purpose, confess thyself--	40
Second Clown	Go to.
First Clown	What is he that builds stronger than either the
	mason, the shipwright, or the carpenter?
Second Clown	The gallows-maker; for that frame outlives a
	thousand tenants.	45
First Clown	I like thy wit well, in good faith: the gallows
	does well; but how does it well? it does well to
	those that do in: now thou dost ill to say the
	gallows is built stronger than the church: argal,
	the gallows may do well to thee. To't again, come.	50
Second Clown	'Who builds stronger than a mason, a shipwright, or
	a carpenter?'
First Clown	Ay, tell me that, and unyoke.
Second Clown	Marry, now I can tell.
First Clown	To't.	55
Second Clown	Mass, I cannot tell.
	Enter HAMLET and HORATIO, at a distance
First Clown	Cudgel thy brains no more about it, for your dull
	ass will not mend his pace with beating; and, when
	you are asked this question next, say 'a
	grave-maker: 'the houses that he makes last till	60
	doomsday. Go, get thee to Yaughan: fetch me a
	stoup of liquor.
	Exit Second Clown
	He digs and sings
	In youth, when I did love, did love,
	Methought it was very sweet,
	To contract, O, the time, for, ah, my behove,	65
	O, methought, there was nothing meet.
HAMLET	Has this fellow no feeling of his business, that he
	sings at grave-making?
HORATIO	Custom hath made it in him a property of easiness.
HAMLET	'Tis e'en so: the hand of little employment hath	70
	the daintier sense.
First Clown	Sings
	But age, with his stealing steps,
	Hath claw'd me in his clutch,
	And hath shipped me intil the land,
	As if I had never been such.	75
	Throws up a skull
HAMLET	That skull had a tongue in it, and could sing once:
	how the knave jowls it to the ground, as if it were
	Cain's jaw-bone, that did the first murder! It
	might be the pate of a politician, which this ass
	now o'er-reaches; one that would circumvent God,	80
	might it not?
HORATIO	It might, my lord.
HAMLET	Or of a courtier; which could say 'Good morrow,
	sweet lord! How dost thou, good lord?' This might
	be my lord such-a-one, that praised my lord	85
	such-a-one's horse, when he meant to beg it; might it not?
HORATIO	Ay, my lord.
HAMLET	Why, e'en so: and now my Lady Worm's; chapless, and
	knocked about the mazzard with a sexton's spade:
	here's fine revolution, an we had the trick to	90
	see't. Did these bones cost no more the breeding,
	but to play at loggats with 'em? mine ache to think on't.
First Clown: [Sings]	A pick-axe, and a spade, a spade,
	For and a shrouding sheet:
	O, a pit of clay for to be made	95
	For such a guest is meet.
	Throws up another skull
HAMLET	There's another: why may not that be the skull of a
	lawyer? Where be his quiddities now, his quillets,
	his cases, his tenures, and his tricks? why does he
	suffer this rude knave now to knock him about the	100
	sconce with a dirty shovel, and will not tell him of
	his action of battery? Hum! This fellow might be
	in's time a great buyer of land, with his statutes,
	his recognizances, his fines, his double vouchers,
	his recoveries: is this the fine of his fines, and	105
	the recovery of his recoveries, to have his fine
	pate full of fine dirt? will his vouchers vouch him
	no more of his purchases, and double ones too, than
	the length and breadth of a pair of indentures? The
	very conveyances of his lands will hardly lie in	110
	this box; and must the inheritor himself have no more, ha?
HORATIO	Not a jot more, my lord.
HAMLET	Is not parchment made of sheepskins?
HORATIO	Ay, my lord, and of calf-skins too.
HAMLET	They are sheep and calves which seek out assurance	115
	in that. I will speak to this fellow. Whose
	grave's this, sirrah?
First Clown	Mine, sir.
	Sings
	O, a pit of clay for to be made
	For such a guest is meet.	120
HAMLET	I think it be thine, indeed; for thou liest in't.
First Clown	You lie out on't, sir, and therefore it is not
	yours: for my part, I do not lie in't, and yet it is mine.
HAMLET	'Thou dost lie in't, to be in't and say it is thine:
	'tis for the dead, not for the quick; therefore thou liest.	125
First Clown	'Tis a quick lie, sir; 'twill away gain, from me to
	you.
HAMLET	What man dost thou dig it for?
First Clown	For no man, sir.
HAMLET	What woman, then?	130
First Clown	For none, neither.
HAMLET	Who is to be buried in't?
First Clown	One that was a woman, sir; but, rest her soul, she's dead.
HAMLET	How absolute the knave is! we must speak by the
	card, or equivocation will undo us. By the Lord,	135
	Horatio, these three years I have taken a note of
	it; the age is grown so picked that the toe of the
	peasant comes so near the heel of the courtier, he
	gaffs his kibe. How long hast thou been a
	grave-maker?	140
First Clown	Of all the days i' the year, I came to't that day
	that our last king Hamlet overcame Fortinbras.
HAMLET	How long is that since?
First Clown	Cannot you tell that? every fool can tell that: it
	was the very day that young Hamlet was born; he that	145
	is mad, and sent into England.
HAMLET	Ay, marry, why was he sent into England?
First Clown	Why, because he was mad: he shall recover his wits
	there; or, if he do not, it's no great matter there.
HAMLET	Why?	150
First Clown	'Twill, a not be seen in him there; there the men
	are as mad as he.
HAMLET	How came he mad?
First Clown	Very strangely, they say.
HAMLET	How strangely?	155
First Clown	Faith, e'en with losing his wits.
HAMLET	Upon what ground?
First Clown	Why, here in Denmark: I have been sexton here, man
	and boy, thirty years.
HAMLET	How long will a man lie i' the earth ere he rot?	160
First Clown	I' faith, if he be not rotten before he die--as we
	have many pocky corses now-a-days, that will scarce
	hold the laying in--he will last you some eight year
	or nine year: a tanner will last you nine year.
HAMLET	Why he more than another?	165
First Clown	Why, sir, his hide is so tanned with his trade, that
	he will keep out water a great while; and your water
	is a sore decayer of your whoreson dead body.
	Here's a skull now; this skull has lain in the earth
	three and twenty years.	170
HAMLET	Whose was it?
First Clown	A whoreson mad fellow's it was: whose do you think it was?
HAMLET	Nay, I know not.
First Clown	A pestilence on him for a mad rogue! a' poured a
	flagon of Rhenish on my head once. This same skull,	175
	sir, was Yorick's skull, the king's jester.
HAMLET	This?
First Clown	E'en that.
HAMLET	Let me see.
	Takes the skull
	Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him, Horatio: a fellow	180
	of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy: he hath
	borne me on his back a thousand times; and now, how
	abhorred in my imagination it is! my gorge rims at
	it. Here hung those lips that I have kissed I know
	not how oft. Where be your gibes now? your	185
	gambols? your songs? your flashes of merriment,
	that were wont to set the table on a roar? Not one
	now, to mock your own grinning? quite chap-fallen?
	Now get you to my lady's chamber, and tell her, let
	her paint an inch thick, to this favour she must	190
	come; make her laugh at that. Prithee, Horatio, tell
	me one thing.
HORATIO	What's that, my lord?
HAMLET	Dost thou think Alexander looked o' this fashion i'
	the earth?	195
HORATIO	E'en so.
HAMLET	And smelt so? pah!
	Puts down the skull
HORATIO	E'en so, my lord.
HAMLET	To what base uses we may return, Horatio! Why may
	not imagination trace the noble dust of Alexander,	200
	till he find it stopping a bung-hole?
HORATIO	'Twere to consider too curiously, to consider so.
HAMLET	No, faith, not a jot; but to follow him thither with
	modesty enough, and likelihood to lead it: as
	thus: Alexander died, Alexander was buried,	205
	Alexander returneth into dust; the dust is earth; of
	earth we make loam; and why of that loam, whereto he
	was converted, might they not stop a beer-barrel?
	Imperious Caesar, dead and turn'd to clay,
	Might stop a hole to keep the wind away:	210
	O, that that earth, which kept the world in awe,
	Should patch a wall to expel the winter flaw!
	But soft! but soft! aside: here comes the king.
	Enter Priest, the Corpse ofOPHELIA, LAERTES and Mourners following; KINGCLAUDIUS, QUEEN GERTRUDE, their trains, &c
	The queen, the courtiers: who is this they follow?
	And with such maimed rites? This doth betoken	215
	The corse they follow did with desperate hand
	Fordo its own life: 'twas of some estate.
	Couch we awhile, and mark.
	Retiring with HORATIO
LAERTES	What ceremony else?
HAMLET	That is Laertes,	220
	A very noble youth: mark.
LAERTES	What ceremony else?
First Priest	Her obsequies have been as far enlarged
	As we have warrantise: her death was doubtful;
	And, but that great command o'ersways the order,	225
	She should in ground unsanctified have lodged
	Till the last trumpet: for charitable prayers,
	Shards, flints and pebbles should be thrown on her;
	Yet here she is allow'd her virgin crants,
	Her maiden strewments and the bringing home	230
	Of bell and burial.
LAERTES	Must there no more be done?
First Priest	No more be done:
	We should profane the service of the dead
	To sing a requiem and such rest to her	235
	As to peace-parted souls.
LAERTES	Lay her i' the earth:
	And from her fair and unpolluted flesh
	May violets spring! I tell thee, churlish priest,
	A ministering angel shall my sister be,	240
	When thou liest howling.
HAMLET	What, the fair Ophelia!
QUEEN GERTRUDE	Sweets to the sweet: farewell!
	Scattering flowers
	I hoped thou shouldst have been my Hamlet's wife;
	I thought thy bride-bed to have deck'd, sweet maid,	245
	And not have strew'd thy grave.
LAERTES	O, treble woe
	Fall ten times treble on that cursed head,
	Whose wicked deed thy most ingenious sense
	Deprived thee of! Hold off the earth awhile,	250
	Till I have caught her once more in mine arms:
	Leaps into the grave
	Now pile your dust upon the quick and dead,
	Till of this flat a mountain you have made,
	To o'ertop old Pelion, or the skyish head
	Of blue Olympus.	255
HAMLET	Advancing
	Bears such an emphasis? whose phrase of sorrow
	Conjures the wandering stars, and makes them stand
	Like wonder-wounded hearers? This is I,
	Hamlet the Dane.
	Leaps into the grave
LAERTES	The devil take thy soul!	260
	Grappling with him
HAMLET	Thou pray'st not well.
	I prithee, take thy fingers from my throat;
	For, though I am not splenitive and rash,
	Yet have I something in me dangerous,
	Which let thy wiseness fear: hold off thy hand.	265
KING CLAUDIUS	Pluck them asunder.
QUEEN GERTRUDE	Hamlet, Hamlet!
All	Gentlemen,--
HORATIO	Good my lord, be quiet.
	The Attendants part them, and they come out of the grave
HAMLET	Why I will fight with him upon this theme	270
	Until my eyelids will no longer wag.
QUEEN GERTRUDE	O my son, what theme?
HAMLET	I loved Ophelia: forty thousand brothers
	Could not, with all their quantity of love,
	Make up my sum. What wilt thou do for her?	275
KING CLAUDIUS	O, he is mad, Laertes.
QUEEN GERTRUDE	For love of God, forbear him.
HAMLET	'Swounds, show me what thou'lt do:
	Woo't weep? woo't fight? woo't fast? woo't tear thyself?
	Woo't drink up eisel? eat a crocodile?	280
	I'll do't. Dost thou come here to whine?
	To outface me with leaping in her grave?
	Be buried quick with her, and so will I:
	And, if thou prate of mountains, let them throw
	Millions of acres on us, till our ground,	285
	Singeing his pate against the burning zone,
	Make Ossa like a wart! Nay, an thou'lt mouth,
	I'll rant as well as thou.
QUEEN GERTRUDE	This is mere madness:
	And thus awhile the fit will work on him;	290
	Anon, as patient as the female dove,
	When that her golden couplets are disclosed,
	His silence will sit drooping.
HAMLET	Hear you, sir;
	What is the reason that you use me thus?	295
	I loved you ever: but it is no matter;
	Let Hercules himself do what he may,
	The cat will mew and dog will have his day.
	Exit
KING CLAUDIUS	I pray you, good Horatio, wait upon him.
	Exit HORATIO
	To LAERTES
	Strengthen your patience in our last night's speech;	300
	We'll put the matter to the present push.
	Good Gertrude, set some watch over your son.
	This grave shall have a living monument:
	An hour of quiet shortly shall we see;
	Till then, in patience our proceeding be.	305
	Exeunt