The Taming of the Shrew

The Taming of the Shrew

GRUMIO	Why, 'Jack, boy! ho! boy!' and as much news as
	will thaw.
CURTIS	Come, you are so full of cony-catching!
GRUMIO	Why, therefore fire; for I have caught extreme cold.
	Where's the cook? is supper ready, the house	40
	trimmed, rushes strewed, cobwebs swept; the
	serving-men in their new fustian, their white
	stockings, and every officer his wedding-garment on?
	Be the jacks fair within, the jills fair without,
	the carpets laid, and every thing in order?	45
CURTIS	All ready; and therefore, I pray thee, news.
GRUMIO	First, know, my horse is tired; my master and
	mistress fallen out.
CURTIS	How?
GRUMIO	Out of their saddles into the dirt; and thereby	50
	hangs a tale.
CURTIS	Let's ha't, good Grumio.
GRUMIO	Lend thine ear.
CURTIS	Here.
GRUMIO	There.	55
	Strikes him
CURTIS	This is to feel a tale, not to hear a tale.
GRUMIO	And therefore 'tis called a sensible tale: and this
	cuff was but to knock at your ear, and beseech
	listening. Now I begin: Imprimis, we came down a
	foul hill, my master riding behind my mistress,--	60
CURTIS	Both of one horse?
GRUMIO	What's that to thee?
CURTIS	Why, a horse.
GRUMIO	Tell thou the tale: but hadst thou not crossed me,
	thou shouldst have heard how her horse fell and she	65
	under her horse; thou shouldst have heard in how
	miry a place, how she was bemoiled, how he left her
	with the horse upon her, how he beat me because
	her horse stumbled, how she waded through the dirt
	to pluck him off me, how he swore, how she prayed,	70
	that never prayed before, how I cried, how the
	horses ran away, how her bridle was burst, how I
	lost my crupper, with many things of worthy memory,
	which now shall die in oblivion and thou return
	unexperienced to thy grave.	75
CURTIS	By this reckoning he is more shrew than she.
GRUMIO	Ay; and that thou and the proudest of you all shall
	find when he comes home. But what talk I of this?
	Call forth Nathaniel, Joseph, Nicholas, Philip,
	Walter, Sugarsop and the rest: let their heads be	80
	sleekly combed their blue coats brushed and their
	garters of an indifferent knit: let them curtsy
	with their left legs and not presume to touch a hair
	of my master's horse-tail till they kiss their
	hands. Are they all ready?	85
CURTIS	They are.
GRUMIO	Call them forth.
CURTIS	Do you hear, ho? you must meet my master to
	countenance my mistress.
GRUMIO	Why, she hath a face of her own.	90
CURTIS	Who knows not that?
GRUMIO	Thou, it seems, that calls for company to
	countenance her.
CURTIS	I call them forth to credit her.
GRUMIO	Why, she comes to borrow nothing of them.	95
	Enter four or five Serving-men
NATHANIEL	Welcome home, Grumio!
PHILIP	How now, Grumio!
JOSEPH	What, Grumio!
NICHOLAS	Fellow Grumio!
NATHANIEL	How now, old lad?	100
GRUMIO	Welcome, you;--how now, you;-- what, you;--fellow,
	you;--and thus much for greeting. Now, my spruce
	companions, is all ready, and all things neat?
NATHANIEL	All things is ready. How near is our master?
GRUMIO	E'en at hand, alighted by this; and therefore be	105
	not--Cock's passion, silence! I hear my master.
	Enter PETRUCHIO and KATHARINA
PETRUCHIO	Where be these knaves? What, no man at door
	To hold my stirrup nor to take my horse!
	Where is Nathaniel, Gregory, Philip?
ALL SERVING-MEN	Here, here, sir; here, sir.	110
PETRUCHIO	Here, sir! here, sir! here, sir! here, sir!
	You logger-headed and unpolish'd grooms!
	What, no attendance? no regard? no duty?
	Where is the foolish knave I sent before?
GRUMIO	Here, sir; as foolish as I was before.	115
PETRUCHIO	You peasant swain! you whoreson malt-horse drudge!
	Did I not bid thee meet me in the park,
	And bring along these rascal knaves with thee?
GRUMIO	Nathaniel's coat, sir, was not fully made,
	And Gabriel's pumps were all unpink'd i' the heel;	120
	There was no link to colour Peter's hat,
	And Walter's dagger was not come from sheathing:
	There were none fine but Adam, Ralph, and Gregory;
	The rest were ragged, old, and beggarly;
	Yet, as they are, here are they come to meet you.	125
PETRUCHIO	Go, rascals, go, and fetch my supper in.
	Exeunt Servants
	Singing
	Where is the life that late I led--
	Where are those--Sit down, Kate, and welcome.--
	Sound, sound, sound, sound!
	Re-enter Servants with supper
	Why, when, I say? Nay, good sweet Kate, be merry.	130
	Off with my boots, you rogues! you villains, when?
	Sings
	It was the friar of orders grey,
	As he forth walked on his way:--
	Out, you rogue! you pluck my foot awry:
	Take that, and mend the plucking off the other.	135
	Strikes him
	Be merry, Kate. Some water, here; what, ho!
	Where's my spaniel Troilus? Sirrah, get you hence,
	And bid my cousin Ferdinand come hither:
	One, Kate, that you must kiss, and be acquainted with.
	Where are my slippers? Shall I have some water?	140
	Enter one with water
	Come, Kate, and wash, and welcome heartily.
	You whoreson villain! will you let it fall?
	Strikes him
KATHARINA	Patience, I pray you; 'twas a fault unwilling.
PETRUCHIO	A whoreson beetle-headed, flap-ear'd knave!
	Come, Kate, sit down; I know you have a stomach.	145
	Will you give thanks, sweet Kate; or else shall I?
	What's this? mutton?
First Servant	Ay.
PETRUCHIO	Who brought it?
PETER	I.	150
PETRUCHIO	'Tis burnt; and so is all the meat.
	What dogs are these! Where is the rascal cook?
	How durst you, villains, bring it from the dresser,
	And serve it thus to me that love it not?
	Theretake it to you, trenchers, cups, and all;	155
	Throws the meat, &c. about the stage
	You heedless joltheads and unmanner'd slaves!
	What, do you grumble? I'll be with you straight.
KATHARINA	I pray you, husband, be not so disquiet:
	The meat was well, if you were so contented.
PETRUCHIO	I tell thee, Kate, 'twas burnt and dried away;	160
	And I expressly am forbid to touch it,
	For it engenders choler, planteth anger;
	And better 'twere that both of us did fast,
	Since, of ourselves, ourselves are choleric,
	Than feed it with such over-roasted flesh.	165
	Be patient; to-morrow 't shall be mended,
	And, for this night, we'll fast for company:
	Come, I will bring thee to thy bridal chamber.
	Exeunt
	Re-enter Servants severally
NATHANIEL	Peter, didst ever see the like?
PETER	He kills her in her own humour.	170
	Re-enter CURTIS
GRUMIO	Where is he?
CURTIS	In her chamber, making a sermon of continency to her;
	And rails, and swears, and rates, that she, poor soul,
	Knows not which way to stand, to look, to speak,
	And sits as one new-risen from a dream.	175
	Away, away! for he is coming hither.
	Exeunt
	Re-enter PETRUCHIO
PETRUCHIO	Thus have I politicly begun my reign,
	And 'tis my hope to end successfully.
	My falcon now is sharp and passing empty;
	And till she stoop she must not be full-gorged,	180
	For then she never looks upon her lure.
	Another way I have to man my haggard,
	To make her come and know her keeper's call,
	That is, to watch her, as we watch these kites
	That bate and beat and will not be obedient.	185
	She eat no meat to-day, nor none shall eat;
	Last night she slept not, nor to-night she shall not;
	As with the meat, some undeserved fault
	I'll find about the making of the bed;
	And here I'll fling the pillow, there the bolster,	190
	This way the coverlet, another way the sheets:
	Ay, and amid this hurly I intend
	That all is done in reverend care of her;
	And in conclusion she shall watch all night:
	And if she chance to nod I'll rail and brawl	195
	And with the clamour keep her still awake.
	This is a way to kill a wife with kindness;
	And thus I'll curb her mad and headstrong humour.
	He that knows better how to tame a shrew,
	Now let him speak: 'tis charity to show.	200
	Exit
ACT IV SCENE I	PETRUCHIO'S country house.
	Enter GRUMIO
GRUMIO	Fie, fie on all tired jades, on all mad masters, and
	all foul ways! Was ever man so beaten? was ever
	man so rayed? was ever man so weary? I am sent
	before to make a fire, and they are coming after to	5
	warm them. Now, were not I a little pot and soon
	hot, my very lips might freeze to my teeth, my
	tongue to the roof of my mouth, my heart in my
	belly, ere I should come by a fire to thaw me: but
	I, with blowing the fire, shall warm myself; for,	10
	considering the weather, a taller man than I will
	take cold. Holla, ho! Curtis.
	Enter CURTIS
CURTIS	Who is that calls so coldly?
GRUMIO	A piece of ice: if thou doubt it, thou mayst slide
	from my shoulder to my heel with no greater a run	15
	but my head and my neck. A fire good Curtis.
CURTIS	Is my master and his wife coming, Grumio?
GRUMIO	O, ay, Curtis, ay: and therefore fire, fire; cast
	on no water.
CURTIS	Is she so hot a shrew as she's reported?	20
GRUMIO	She was, good Curtis, before this frost: but, thou
	knowest, winter tames man, woman and beast; for it
	hath tamed my old master and my new mistress and
	myself, fellow Curtis.
CURTIS	Away, you three-inch fool! I am no beast.	25
GRUMIO	Am I but three inches? why, thy horn is a foot; and
	so long am I at the least. But wilt thou make a
	fire, or shall I complain on thee to our mistress,
	whose hand, she being now at hand, thou shalt soon
	feel, to thy cold comfort, for being slow in thy hot office?	30
CURTIS	I prithee, good Grumio, tell me, how goes the world?
GRUMIO	A cold world, Curtis, in every office but thine; and
	therefore fire: do thy duty, and have thy duty; for
	my master and mistress are almost frozen to death.
CURTIS	There's fire ready; and therefore, good Grumio, the news.	35