Much Ado About Nothing

Much Ado About Nothing

ACT IV SCENE II	A prison.
	Enter DOGBERRY, VERGES, and Sexton, in gowns; andthe Watch, with CONRADE and BORACHIO
DOGBERRY	Is our whole dissembly appeared?
VERGES	O, a stool and a cushion for the sexton.
Sexton	Which be the malefactors?
DOGBERRY	Marry, that am I and my partner.	5
VERGES	Nay, that's certain; we have the exhibition to examine.
Sexton	But which are the offenders that are to be
	examined? let them come before master constable.
DOGBERRY	Yea, marry, let them come before me. What is your
	name, friend?	10
BORACHIO	Borachio.
DOGBERRY	Pray, write down, Borachio. Yours, sirrah?
CONRADE	I am a gentleman, sir, and my name is Conrade.
DOGBERRY	Write down, master gentleman Conrade. Masters, do
	you serve God?	15
CONRADE	\|
	\| Yea, sir, we hope.
BORACHIO	\|
DOGBERRY	Write down, that they hope they serve God: and
	write God first; for God defend but God should go	20
	before such villains! Masters, it is proved already
	that you are little better than false knaves; and it
	will go near to be thought so shortly. How answer
	you for yourselves?
CONRADE	Marry, sir, we say we are none.	25
DOGBERRY	A marvellous witty fellow, I assure you: but I
	will go about with him. Come you hither, sirrah; a
	word in your ear: sir, I say to you, it is thought
	you are false knaves.
BORACHIO	Sir, I say to you we are none.	30
DOGBERRY	Well, stand aside. 'Fore God, they are both in a
	tale. Have you writ down, that they are none?
Sexton	Master constable, you go not the way to examine:
	you must call forth the watch that are their accusers.
DOGBERRY	Yea, marry, that's the eftest way. Let the watch	35
	come forth. Masters, I charge you, in the prince's
	name, accuse these men.
First Watchman	This man said, sir, that Don John, the prince's
	brother, was a villain.
DOGBERRY	Write down Prince John a villain. Why, this is flat	40
	perjury, to call a prince's brother villain.
BORACHIO	Master constable,--
DOGBERRY	Pray thee, fellow, peace: I do not like thy look,
	I promise thee.
Sexton	What heard you him say else?	45
Second Watchman	Marry, that he had received a thousand ducats of
	Don John for accusing the Lady Hero wrongfully.
DOGBERRY	Flat burglary as ever was committed.
VERGES	Yea, by mass, that it is.
Sexton	What else, fellow?	50
First Watchman	And that Count Claudio did mean, upon his words, to
	disgrace Hero before the whole assembly. and not marry her.
DOGBERRY	O villain! thou wilt be condemned into everlasting
	redemption for this.
Sexton	What else?	55
Watchman	This is all.
Sexton	And this is more, masters, than you can deny.
	Prince John is this morning secretly stolen away;
	Hero was in this manner accused, in this very manner
	refused, and upon the grief of this suddenly died.	60
	Master constable, let these men be bound, and
	brought to Leonato's: I will go before and show
	him their examination.
	Exit
DOGBERRY	Come, let them be opinioned.
VERGES	Let them be in the hands--	65
CONRADE	Off, coxcomb!
DOGBERRY	God's my life, where's the sexton? let him write
	down the prince's officer coxcomb. Come, bind them.
	Thou naughty varlet!
CONRADE	Away! you are an ass, you are an ass.	70
DOGBERRY	Dost thou not suspect my place? dost thou not
	suspect my years? O that he were here to write me
	down an ass! But, masters, remember that I am an
	ass; though it be not written down, yet forget not
	that I am an ass. No, thou villain, thou art full of	75
	piety, as shall be proved upon thee by good witness.
	I am a wise fellow, and, which is more, an officer,
	and, which is more, a householder, and, which is
	more, as pretty a piece of flesh as any is in
	Messina, and one that knows the law, go to; and a	80
	rich fellow enough, go to; and a fellow that hath
	had losses, and one that hath two gowns and every
	thing handsome about him. Bring him away. O that
	I had been writ down an ass!
	Exeunt