Much Ado About Nothing

Much Ado About Nothing

ACT III SCENE I	LEONATO'S garden.
	Enter HERO, MARGARET, and URSULA
HERO	Good Margaret, run thee to the parlor;
	There shalt thou find my cousin Beatrice
	Proposing with the prince and Claudio:
	Whisper her ear and tell her, I and Ursula	5
	Walk in the orchard and our whole discourse
	Is all of her; say that thou overheard'st us;
	And bid her steal into the pleached bower,
	Where honeysuckles, ripen'd by the sun,
	Forbid the sun to enter, like favourites,	10
	Made proud by princes, that advance their pride
	Against that power that bred it: there will she hide her,
	To listen our purpose. This is thy office;
	Bear thee well in it and leave us alone.
MARGARET	I'll make her come, I warrant you, presently.	15
	Exit
HERO	Now, Ursula, when Beatrice doth come,
	As we do trace this alley up and down,
	Our talk must only be of Benedick.
	When I do name him, let it be thy part
	To praise him more than ever man did merit:	20
	My talk to thee must be how Benedick
	Is sick in love with Beatrice. Of this matter
	Is little Cupid's crafty arrow made,
	That only wounds by hearsay.
	Enter BEATRICE, behind
	Now begin;	25
	For look where Beatrice, like a lapwing, runs
	Close by the ground, to hear our conference.
URSULA	The pleasant'st angling is to see the fish
	Cut with her golden oars the silver stream,
	And greedily devour the treacherous bait:	30
	So angle we for Beatrice; who even now
	Is couched in the woodbine coverture.
	Fear you not my part of the dialogue.
HERO	Then go we near her, that her ear lose nothing
	Of the false sweet bait that we lay for it.	35
	Approaching the bower
	No, truly, Ursula, she is too disdainful;
	I know her spirits are as coy and wild
	As haggerds of the rock.
URSULA	But are you sure
	That Benedick loves Beatrice so entirely?	40
HERO	So says the prince and my new-trothed lord.
URSULA	And did they bid you tell her of it, madam?
HERO	They did entreat me to acquaint her of it;
	But I persuaded them, if they loved Benedick,
	To wish him wrestle with affection,	45
	And never to let Beatrice know of it.
URSULA	Why did you so? Doth not the gentleman
	Deserve as full as fortunate a bed
	As ever Beatrice shall couch upon?
HERO	O god of love! I know he doth deserve	50
	As much as may be yielded to a man:
	But Nature never framed a woman's heart
	Of prouder stuff than that of Beatrice;
	Disdain and scorn ride sparkling in her eyes,
	Misprising what they look on, and her wit	55
	Values itself so highly that to her
	All matter else seems weak: she cannot love,
	Nor take no shape nor project of affection,
	She is so self-endeared.
URSULA	Sure, I think so;	60
	And therefore certainly it were not good
	She knew his love, lest she make sport at it.
HERO	Why, you speak truth. I never yet saw man,
	How wise, how noble, young, how rarely featured,
	But she would spell him backward: if fair-faced,	65
	She would swear the gentleman should be her sister;
	If black, why, Nature, drawing of an antique,
	Made a foul blot; if tall, a lance ill-headed;
	If low, an agate very vilely cut;
	If speaking, why, a vane blown with all winds;	70
	If silent, why, a block moved with none.
	So turns she every man the wrong side out
	And never gives to truth and virtue that
	Which simpleness and merit purchaseth.
URSULA	Sure, sure, such carping is not commendable.	75
HERO	No, not to be so odd and from all fashions
	As Beatrice is, cannot be commendable:
	But who dare tell her so? If I should speak,
	She would mock me into air; O, she would laugh me
	Out of myself, press me to death with wit.	80
	Therefore let Benedick, like cover'd fire,
	Consume away in sighs, waste inwardly:
	It were a better death than die with mocks,
	Which is as bad as die with tickling.
URSULA	Yet tell her of it: hear what she will say.	85
HERO	No; rather I will go to Benedick
	And counsel him to fight against his passion.
	And, truly, I'll devise some honest slanders
	To stain my cousin with: one doth not know
	How much an ill word may empoison liking.	90
URSULA	O, do not do your cousin such a wrong.
	She cannot be so much without true judgment--
	Having so swift and excellent a wit
	As she is prized to have--as to refuse
	So rare a gentleman as Signior Benedick.	95
HERO	He is the only man of Italy.
	Always excepted my dear Claudio.
URSULA	I pray you, be not angry with me, madam,
	Speaking my fancy: Signior Benedick,
	For shape, for bearing, argument and valour,	100
	Goes foremost in report through Italy.
HERO	Indeed, he hath an excellent good name.
URSULA	His excellence did earn it, ere he had it.
	When are you married, madam?
HERO	Why, every day, to-morrow. Come, go in:	105
	I'll show thee some attires, and have thy counsel
	Which is the best to furnish me to-morrow.
URSULA	She's limed, I warrant you: we have caught her, madam.
HERO	If it proves so, then loving goes by haps:
	Some Cupid kills with arrows, some with traps.	110
	Exeunt HERO and URSULA
BEATRICE	Coming forward
	What fire is in mine ears? Can this be true?
	Stand I condemn'd for pride and scorn so much?
	Contempt, farewell! and maiden pride, adieu!
	No glory lives behind the back of such.
	And, Benedick, love on; I will requite thee,	115
	Taming my wild heart to thy loving hand:
	If thou dost love, my kindness shall incite thee
	To bind our loves up in a holy band;
	For others say thou dost deserve, and I
	Believe it better than reportingly.	120
	Exit