Much Ado About Nothing

Much Ado About Nothing

ACT III SCENE II	A room in LEONATO'S house
	Enter DON PEDRO, CLAUDIO, BENEDICK, and LEONATO
DON PEDRO	I do but stay till your marriage be consummate, and
	then go I toward Arragon.
CLAUDIO	I'll bring you thither, my lord, if you'll
	vouchsafe me.	5
DON PEDRO	Nay, that would be as great a soil in the new gloss
	of your marriage as to show a child his new coat
	and forbid him to wear it. I will only be bold
	with Benedick for his company; for, from the crown
	of his head to the sole of his foot, he is all	10
	mirth: he hath twice or thrice cut Cupid's
	bow-string and the little hangman dare not shoot at
	him; he hath a heart as sound as a bell and his
	tongue is the clapper, for what his heart thinks his
	tongue speaks.	15
BENEDICK	Gallants, I am not as I have been.
LEONATO	So say I methinks you are sadder.
CLAUDIO	I hope he be in love.
DON PEDRO	Hang him, truant! there's no true drop of blood in
	him, to be truly touched with love: if he be sad,	20
	he wants money.
BENEDICK	I have the toothache.
DON PEDRO	Draw it.
BENEDICK	Hang it!
CLAUDIO	You must hang it first, and draw it afterwards.	25
DON PEDRO	What! sigh for the toothache?
LEONATO	Where is but a humour or a worm.
BENEDICK	Well, every one can master a grief but he that has
	it.
CLAUDIO	Yet say I, he is in love.	30
DON PEDRO	There is no appearance of fancy in him, unless it be
	a fancy that he hath to strange disguises; as, to be
	a Dutchman today, a Frenchman to-morrow, or in the
	shape of two countries at once, as, a German from
	the waist downward, all slops, and a Spaniard from	35
	the hip upward, no doublet. Unless he have a fancy
	to this foolery, as it appears he hath, he is no
	fool for fancy, as you would have it appear he is.
CLAUDIO	If he be not in love with some woman, there is no
	believing old signs: a' brushes his hat o'	40
	mornings; what should that bode?
DON PEDRO	Hath any man seen him at the barber's?
CLAUDIO	No, but the barber's man hath been seen with him,
	and the old ornament of his cheek hath already
	stuffed tennis-balls.	45
LEONATO	Indeed, he looks younger than he did, by the loss of a beard.
DON PEDRO	Nay, a' rubs himself with civet: can you smell him
	out by that?
CLAUDIO	That's as much as to say, the sweet youth's in love.
DON PEDRO	The greatest note of it is his melancholy.	50
CLAUDIO	And when was he wont to wash his face?
DON PEDRO	Yea, or to paint himself? for the which, I hear
	what they say of him.
CLAUDIO	Nay, but his jesting spirit; which is now crept into
	a lute-string and now governed by stops.	55
DON PEDRO	Indeed, that tells a heavy tale for him: conclude,
	conclude he is in love.
CLAUDIO	Nay, but I know who loves him.
DON PEDRO	That would I know too: I warrant, one that knows him not.
CLAUDIO	Yes, and his ill conditions; and, in despite of	60
	all, dies for him.
DON PEDRO	She shall be buried with her face upwards.
BENEDICK	Yet is this no charm for the toothache. Old
	signior, walk aside with me: I have studied eight
	or nine wise words to speak to you, which these	65
	hobby-horses must not hear.
	Exeunt BENEDICK and LEONATO
DON PEDRO	For my life, to break with him about Beatrice.
CLAUDIO	'Tis even so. Hero and Margaret have by this
	played their parts with Beatrice; and then the two
	bears will not bite one another when they meet.	70
	Enter DON JOHN
DON JOHN	My lord and brother, God save you!
DON PEDRO	Good den, brother.
DON JOHN	If your leisure served, I would speak with you.
DON PEDRO	In private?
DON JOHN	If it please you: yet Count Claudio may hear; for	75
	what I would speak of concerns him.
DON PEDRO	What's the matter?
DON JOHN	To CLAUDIO
	to-morrow?
DON PEDRO	You know he does.
DON JOHN	I know not that, when he knows what I know.	80
CLAUDIO	If there be any impediment, I pray you discover it.
DON JOHN	You may think I love you not: let that appear
	hereafter, and aim better at me by that I now will
	manifest. For my brother, I think he holds you
	well, and in dearness of heart hath holp to effect	85
	your ensuing marriage;--surely suit ill spent and
	labour ill bestowed.
DON PEDRO	Why, what's the matter?
DON JOHN	I came hither to tell you; and, circumstances
	shortened, for she has been too long a talking of,	90
	the lady is disloyal.
CLAUDIO	Who, Hero?
DON PEDRO	Even she; Leonato's Hero, your Hero, every man's Hero:
CLAUDIO	Disloyal?
DON JOHN	The word is too good to paint out her wickedness; I	95
	could say she were worse: think you of a worse
	title, and I will fit her to it. Wonder not till
	further warrant: go but with me to-night, you shall
	see her chamber-window entered, even the night
	before her wedding-day: if you love her then,	100
	to-morrow wed her; but it would better fit your honour
	to change your mind.
CLAUDIO	May this be so?
DON PEDRO	I will not think it.
DON JOHN	If you dare not trust that you see, confess not	105
	that you know: if you will follow me, I will show
	you enough; and when you have seen more and heard
	more, proceed accordingly.
CLAUDIO	If I see any thing to-night why I should not marry
	her to-morrow in the congregation, where I should	110
	wed, there will I shame her.
DON PEDRO	And, as I wooed for thee to obtain her, I will join
	with thee to disgrace her.
DON JOHN	I will disparage her no farther till you are my
	witnesses: bear it coldly but till midnight, and	115
	let the issue show itself.
DON PEDRO	O day untowardly turned!
CLAUDIO	O mischief strangely thwarting!
DON JOHN	O plague right well prevented! so will you say when
	you have seen the sequel.	120
	Exeunt