King Henry VIII

King Henry VIII

ACT I SCENE III	An ante-chamber in the palace.
	Enter Chamberlain and SANDS
Chamberlain	Is't possible the spells of France should juggle
	Men into such strange mysteries?
SANDS	New customs,
	Though they be never so ridiculous,	5
	Nay, let 'em be unmanly, yet are follow'd.
Chamberlain	As far as I see, all the good our English
	Have got by the late voyage is but merely
	A fit or two o' the face; but they are shrewd ones;
	For when they hold 'em, you would swear directly	10
	Their very noses had been counsellors
	To Pepin or Clotharius, they keep state so.
SANDS	They have all new legs, and lame ones: one would take it,
	That never saw 'em pace before, the spavin
	Or springhalt reign'd among 'em.	15
Chamberlain	Death! my lord,
	Their clothes are after such a pagan cut too,
	That, sure, they've worn out Christendom.
	Enter LOVELL
	How now!
	What news, Sir Thomas Lovell?	20
LOVELL	Faith, my lord,
	I hear of none, but the new proclamation
	That's clapp'd upon the court-gate.
Chamberlain	What is't for?
LOVELL	The reformation of our travell'd gallants,	25
	That fill the court with quarrels, talk, and tailors.
Chamberlain	I'm glad 'tis there: now I would pray our monsieurs
	To think an English courtier may be wise,
	And never see the Louvre.
LOVELL	They must either,	30
	For so run the conditions, leave those remnants
	Of fool and feather that they got in France,
	With all their honourable point of ignorance
	Pertaining thereunto, as fights and fireworks,
	Abusing better men than they can be,	35
	Out of a foreign wisdom, renouncing clean
	The faith they have in tennis, and tall stockings,
	Short blister'd breeches, and those types of travel,
	And understand again like honest men;
	Or pack to their old playfellows: there, I take it,	40
	They may, 'cum privilegio,' wear away
	The lag end of their lewdness and be laugh'd at.
SANDS	'Tis time to give 'em physic, their diseases
	Are grown so catching.
Chamberlain	What a loss our ladies	45
	Will have of these trim vanities!
LOVELL	Ay, marry,
	There will be woe indeed, lords: the sly whoresons
	Have got a speeding trick to lay down ladies;
	A French song and a fiddle has no fellow.	50
SANDS	The devil fiddle 'em! I am glad they are going,
	For, sure, there's no converting of 'em: now
	An honest country lord, as I am, beaten
	A long time out of play, may bring his plainsong
	And have an hour of hearing; and, by'r lady,	55
	Held current music too.
Chamberlain	Well said, Lord Sands;
	Your colt's tooth is not cast yet.
SANDS	No, my lord;
	Nor shall not, while I have a stump.	60
Chamberlain	Sir Thomas,
	Whither were you a-going?
LOVELL	To the cardinal's:
	Your lordship is a guest too.
Chamberlain	O, 'tis true:	65
	This night he makes a supper, and a great one,
	To many lords and ladies; there will be
	The beauty of this kingdom, I'll assure you.
LOVELL	That churchman bears a bounteous mind indeed,
	A hand as fruitful as the land that feeds us;	70
	His dews fall every where.
Chamberlain	No doubt he's noble;
	He had a black mouth that said other of him.
SANDS	He may, my lord; has wherewithal: in him
	Sparing would show a worse sin than ill doctrine:	75
	Men of his way should be most liberal;
	They are set here for examples.
Chamberlain	True, they are so:
	But few now give so great ones. My barge stays;
	Your lordship shall along. Come, good Sir Thomas,	80
	We shall be late else; which I would not be,
	For I was spoke to, with Sir Henry Guildford
	This night to be comptrollers.
SANDS	I am your lordship's.
	Exeunt