Comedy of Errors

Comedy of Errors

ACT IV SCENE III	A public place.
	Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Syracuse
ANTIPHOLUSOF SYRACUSE	There's not a man I meet but doth salute me
	As if I were their well-acquainted friend;
	And every one doth call me by my name.
	Some tender money to me; some invite me;	5
	Some other give me thanks for kindnesses;
	Some offer me commodities to buy:
	Even now a tailor call'd me in his shop
	And show'd me silks that he had bought for me,
	And therewithal took measure of my body.	10
	Sure, these are but imaginary wiles
	And Lapland sorcerers inhabit here.
	Enter DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Master, here's the gold you sent me for. What, have
	you got the picture of old Adam new-apparelled?
ANTIPHOLUSOF SYRACUSE	What gold is this? what Adam dost thou mean?	15
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Not that Adam that kept the Paradise but that Adam
	that keeps the prison: he that goes in the calf's
	skin that was killed for the Prodigal; he that came
	behind you, sir, like an evil angel, and bid you
	forsake your liberty.	20
ANTIPHOLUSOF SYRACUSE	I understand thee not.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	No? why, 'tis a plain case: he that went, like a
	bass-viol, in a case of leather; the man, sir,
	that, when gentlemen are tired, gives them a sob
	and 'rests them; he, sir, that takes pity on decayed	25
	men and gives them suits of durance; he that sets up
	his rest to do more exploits with his mace than a
	morris-pike.
ANTIPHOLUSOF SYRACUSE	What, thou meanest an officer?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Ay, sir, the sergeant of the band, he that brings	30
	any man to answer it that breaks his band; one that
	thinks a man always going to bed, and says, 'God
	give you good rest!'
ANTIPHOLUSOF SYRACUSE	Well, sir, there rest in your foolery. Is there any
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Why, sir, I brought you word an hour since that the	35
	bark Expedition put forth to-night; and then were
	you hindered by the sergeant, to tarry for the hoy
	Delay. Here are the angels that you sent for to
	deliver you.
ANTIPHOLUSOF SYRACUSE	The fellow is distract, and so am I;	40
	And here we wander in illusions:
	Some blessed power deliver us from hence!
	Enter a Courtezan
Courtezan	Well met, well met, Master Antipholus.
	I see, sir, you have found the goldsmith now:
	Is that the chain you promised me to-day?	45
ANTIPHOLUSOF SYRACUSE	Satan, avoid! I charge thee, tempt me not.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Master, is this Mistress Satan?
ANTIPHOLUSOF SYRACUSE	It is the devil.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Nay, she is worse, she is the devil's dam; and here
	she comes in the habit of a light wench: and thereof	50
	comes that the wenches say 'God damn me;' that's as
	much to say 'God make me a light wench.' It is
	written, they appear to men like angels of light:
	light is an effect of fire, and fire will burn;
	ergo, light wenches will burn. Come not near her.	55
Courtezan	Your man and you are marvellous merry, sir.
	Will you go with me? We'll mend our dinner here?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Master, if you do, expect spoon-meat; or bespeak a
	long spoon.
ANTIPHOLUSOF SYRACUSE	Why, Dromio?	60
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Marry, he must have a long spoon that must eat with
	the devil.
ANTIPHOLUSOF SYRACUSE	Avoid then, fiend! what tell'st thou me of supping?
	Thou art, as you are all, a sorceress:
	I conjure thee to leave me and be gone.	65
Courtezan	Give me the ring of mine you had at dinner,
	Or, for my diamond, the chain you promised,
	And I'll be gone, sir, and not trouble you.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Some devils ask but the parings of one's nail,
	A rush, a hair, a drop of blood, a pin,	70
	A nut, a cherry-stone;
	But she, more covetous, would have a chain.
	Master, be wise: an if you give it her,
	The devil will shake her chain and fright us with it.
Courtezan	I pray you, sir, my ring, or else the chain:	75
	I hope you do not mean to cheat me so.
ANTIPHOLUSOF SYRACUSE	Avaunt, thou witch! Come, Dromio, let us go.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	'Fly pride,' says the peacock: mistress, that you know.
	Exeunt Antipholus of Syracuse and Dromio of Syracuse
Courtezan	Now, out of doubt Antipholus is mad,
	Else would he never so demean himself.	80
	A ring he hath of mine worth forty ducats,
	And for the same he promised me a chain:
	Both one and other he denies me now.
	The reason that I gather he is mad,
	Besides this present instance of his rage,	85
	Is a mad tale he told to-day at dinner,
	Of his own doors being shut against his entrance.
	Belike his wife, acquainted with his fits,
	On purpose shut the doors against his way.
	My way is now to hie home to his house,	90
	And tell his wife that, being lunatic,
	He rush'd into my house and took perforce
	My ring away. This course I fittest choose;
	For forty ducats is too much to lose.
	Exit