As You Like It

As You Like It

ACT I SCENE II	Lawn before the Duke's palace.
	Enter CELIA and ROSALIND
CELIA	I pray thee, Rosalind, sweet my coz, be merry.
ROSALIND	Dear Celia, I show more mirth than I am mistress of;
	and would you yet I were merrier? Unless you could
	teach me to forget a banished father, you must not	5
	learn me how to remember any extraordinary pleasure.
CELIA	Herein I see thou lovest me not with the full weight
	that I love thee. If my uncle, thy banished father,
	had banished thy uncle, the duke my father, so thou
	hadst been still with me, I could have taught my	10
	love to take thy father for mine: so wouldst thou,
	if the truth of thy love to me were so righteously
	tempered as mine is to thee.
ROSALIND	Well, I will forget the condition of my estate, to
	rejoice in yours.	15
CELIA	You know my father hath no child but I, nor none is
	like to have: and, truly, when he dies, thou shalt
	be his heir, for what he hath taken away from thy
	father perforce, I will render thee again in
	affection; by mine honour, I will; and when I break	20
	that oath, let me turn monster: therefore, my
	sweet Rose, my dear Rose, be merry.
ROSALIND	From henceforth I will, coz, and devise sports. Let
	me see; what think you of falling in love?
CELIA	Marry, I prithee, do, to make sport withal: but	25
	love no man in good earnest; nor no further in sport
	neither than with safety of a pure blush thou mayst
	in honour come off again.
ROSALIND	What shall be our sport, then?
CELIA	Let us sit and mock the good housewife Fortune from	30
	her wheel, that her gifts may henceforth be bestowed equally.
ROSALIND	I would we could do so, for her benefits are
	mightily misplaced, and the bountiful blind woman
	doth most mistake in her gifts to women.
CELIA	'Tis true; for those that she makes fair she scarce	35
	makes honest, and those that she makes honest she
	makes very ill-favouredly.
ROSALIND	Nay, now thou goest from Fortune's office to
	Nature's: Fortune reigns in gifts of the world,
	not in the lineaments of Nature.	40
	Enter TOUCHSTONE
CELIA	No? when Nature hath made a fair creature, may she
	not by Fortune fall into the fire? Though Nature
	hath given us wit to flout at Fortune, hath not
	Fortune sent in this fool to cut off the argument?
ROSALIND	Indeed, there is Fortune too hard for Nature, when	45
	Fortune makes Nature's natural the cutter-off of
	Nature's wit.
CELIA	Peradventure this is not Fortune's work neither, but
	Nature's; who perceiveth our natural wits too dull
	to reason of such goddesses and hath sent this	50
	natural for our whetstone; for always the dulness of
	the fool is the whetstone of the wits. How now,
	wit! whither wander you?
TOUCHSTONE	Mistress, you must come away to your father.
CELIA	Were you made the messenger?	55
TOUCHSTONE	No, by mine honour, but I was bid to come for you.
ROSALIND	Where learned you that oath, fool?
TOUCHSTONE	Of a certain knight that swore by his honour they
	were good pancakes and swore by his honour the
	mustard was naught: now I'll stand to it, the	60
	pancakes were naught and the mustard was good, and
	yet was not the knight forsworn.
CELIA	How prove you that, in the great heap of your
	knowledge?
ROSALIND	Ay, marry, now unmuzzle your wisdom.	65
TOUCHSTONE	Stand you both forth now: stroke your chins, and
	swear by your beards that I am a knave.
CELIA	By our beards, if we had them, thou art.
TOUCHSTONE	By my knavery, if I had it, then I were; but if you
	swear by that that is not, you are not forsworn: no	70
	more was this knight swearing by his honour, for he
	never had any; or if he had, he had sworn it away
	before ever he saw those pancakes or that mustard.
CELIA	Prithee, who is't that thou meanest?
TOUCHSTONE	One that old Frederick, your father, loves.	75
CELIA	My father's love is enough to honour him: enough!
	speak no more of him; you'll be whipped for taxation
	one of these days.
TOUCHSTONE	The more pity, that fools may not speak wisely what
	wise men do foolishly.	80
CELIA	By my troth, thou sayest true; for since the little
	wit that fools have was silenced, the little foolery
	that wise men have makes a great show. Here comes
	Monsieur Le Beau.
ROSALIND	With his mouth full of news.	85
CELIA	Which he will put on us, as pigeons feed their young.
ROSALIND	Then shall we be news-crammed.
CELIA	All the better; we shall be the more marketable.
	Enter LE BEAU
	Bon jour, Monsieur Le Beau: what's the news?
LE BEAU	Fair princess, you have lost much good sport.	90
CELIA	Sport! of what colour?
LE BEAU	What colour, madam! how shall I answer you?
ROSALIND	As wit and fortune will.
TOUCHSTONE	Or as the Destinies decree.
CELIA	Well said: that was laid on with a trowel.	95
TOUCHSTONE	Nay, if I keep not my rank,--
ROSALIND	Thou losest thy old smell.
LE BEAU	You amaze me, ladies: I would have told you of good
	wrestling, which you have lost the sight of.
ROSALIND	You tell us the manner of the wrestling.	100
LE BEAU	I will tell you the beginning; and, if it please
	your ladyships, you may see the end; for the best is
	yet to do; and here, where you are, they are coming
	to perform it.
CELIA	Well, the beginning, that is dead and buried.	105
LE BEAU	There comes an old man and his three sons,--
CELIA	I could match this beginning with an old tale.
LE BEAU	Three proper young men, of excellent growth and presence.
ROSALIND	With bills on their necks, 'Be it known unto all men
	by these presents.'	110
LE BEAU	The eldest of the three wrestled with Charles, the
	duke's wrestler; which Charles in a moment threw him
	and broke three of his ribs, that there is little
	hope of life in him: so he served the second, and
	so the third. Yonder they lie; the poor old man,	115
	their father, making such pitiful dole over them
	that all the beholders take his part with weeping.
ROSALIND	Alas!
TOUCHSTONE	But what is the sport, monsieur, that the ladies
	have lost?	120
LE BEAU	Why, this that I speak of.
TOUCHSTONE	Thus men may grow wiser every day: it is the first
	time that ever I heard breaking of ribs was sport
	for ladies.
CELIA	Or I, I promise thee.	125
ROSALIND	But is there any else longs to see this broken music
	in his sides? is there yet another dotes upon
	rib-breaking? Shall we see this wrestling, cousin?
LE BEAU	You must, if you stay here; for here is the place
	appointed for the wrestling, and they are ready to	130
	perform it.
CELIA	Yonder, sure, they are coming: let us now stay and see it.
	Flourish. Enter DUKE FREDERICK, Lords, ORLANDO,CHARLES, and Attendants
DUKE FREDERICK	Come on: since the youth will not be entreated, his
	own peril on his forwardness.
ROSALIND	Is yonder the man?	135
LE BEAU	Even he, madam.
CELIA	Alas, he is too young! yet he looks successfully.
DUKE FREDERICK	How now, daughter and cousin! are you crept hither
	to see the wrestling?
ROSALIND	Ay, my liege, so please you give us leave.	140
DUKE FREDERICK	You will take little delight in it, I can tell you;
	there is such odds in the man. In pity of the
	challenger's youth I would fain dissuade him, but he
	will not be entreated. Speak to him, ladies; see if
	you can move him.	145
CELIA	Call him hither, good Monsieur Le Beau.
DUKE FREDERICK	Do so: I'll not be by.
LE BEAU	Monsieur the challenger, the princesses call for you.
ORLANDO	I attend them with all respect and duty.
ROSALIND	Young man, have you challenged Charles the wrestler?	150
ORLANDO	No, fair princess; he is the general challenger: I
	come but in, as others do, to try with him the
	strength of my youth.
CELIA	Young gentleman, your spirits are too bold for your
	years. You have seen cruel proof of this man's	155
	strength: if you saw yourself with your eyes or
	knew yourself with your judgment, the fear of your
	adventure would counsel you to a more equal
	enterprise. We pray you, for your own sake, to
	embrace your own safety and give over this attempt.	160
ROSALIND	Do, young sir; your reputation shall not therefore
	be misprised: we will make it our suit to the duke
	that the wrestling might not go forward.
ORLANDO	I beseech you, punish me not with your hard
	thoughts; wherein I confess me much guilty, to deny	165
	so fair and excellent ladies any thing. But let
	your fair eyes and gentle wishes go with me to my
	trial: wherein if I be foiled, there is but one
	shamed that was never gracious; if killed, but one
	dead that was willing to be so: I shall do my	170
	friends no wrong, for I have none to lament me, the
	world no injury, for in it I have nothing; only in
	the world I fill up a place, which may be better
	supplied when I have made it empty.
ROSALIND	The little strength that I have, I would it were with you.	175
CELIA	And mine, to eke out hers.
ROSALIND	Fare you well: pray heaven I be deceived in you!
CELIA	Your heart's desires be with you!
CHARLES	Come, where is this young gallant that is so
	desirous to lie with his mother earth?	180
ORLANDO	Ready, sir; but his will hath in it a more modest working.
DUKE FREDERICK	You shall try but one fall.
CHARLES	No, I warrant your grace, you shall not entreat him
	to a second, that have so mightily persuaded him
	from a first.	185
ORLANDO	An you mean to mock me after, you should not have
	mocked me before: but come your ways.
ROSALIND	Now Hercules be thy speed, young man!
CELIA	I would I were invisible, to catch the strong
	fellow by the leg.	190
	They wrestle
ROSALIND	O excellent young man!
CELIA	If I had a thunderbolt in mine eye, I can tell who
	should down.
	Shout. CHARLES is thrown
DUKE FREDERICK	No more, no more.
ORLANDO	Yes, I beseech your grace: I am not yet well breathed.	195
DUKE FREDERICK	How dost thou, Charles?
LE BEAU	He cannot speak, my lord.
DUKE FREDERICK	Bear him away. What is thy name, young man?
ORLANDO	Orlando, my liege; the youngest son of Sir Rowland de Boys.
DUKE FREDERICK	I would thou hadst been son to some man else:	200
	The world esteem'd thy father honourable,
	But I did find him still mine enemy:
	Thou shouldst have better pleased me with this deed,
	Hadst thou descended from another house.
	But fare thee well; thou art a gallant youth:	205
	I would thou hadst told me of another father.
	Exeunt DUKE FREDERICK, train, and LE BEAU
CELIA	Were I my father, coz, would I do this?
ORLANDO	I am more proud to be Sir Rowland's son,
	His youngest son; and would not change that calling,
	To be adopted heir to Frederick.	210
ROSALIND	My father loved Sir Rowland as his soul,
	And all the world was of my father's mind:
	Had I before known this young man his son,
	I should have given him tears unto entreaties,
	Ere he should thus have ventured.	215
CELIA	Gentle cousin,
	Let us go thank him and encourage him:
	My father's rough and envious disposition
	Sticks me at heart. Sir, you have well deserved:
	If you do keep your promises in love	220
	But justly, as you have exceeded all promise,
	Your mistress shall be happy.
ROSALIND	Gentleman,
	Giving him a chain from her neck
	Wear this for me, one out of suits with fortune,
	That could give more, but that her hand lacks means.	225
	Shall we go, coz?
CELIA	Ay. Fare you well, fair gentleman.
ORLANDO	Can I not say, I thank you? My better parts
	Are all thrown down, and that which here stands up
	Is but a quintain, a mere lifeless block.	230
ROSALIND	He calls us back: my pride fell with my fortunes;
	I'll ask him what he would. Did you call, sir?
	Sir, you have wrestled well and overthrown
	More than your enemies.
CELIA	Will you go, coz?	235
ROSALIND	Have with you. Fare you well.
	Exeunt ROSALIND and CELIA
ORLANDO	What passion hangs these weights upon my tongue?
	I cannot speak to her, yet she urged conference.
	O poor Orlando, thou art overthrown!
	Or Charles or something weaker masters thee.	240
	Re-enter LE BEAU
LE BEAU	Good sir, I do in friendship counsel you
	To leave this place. Albeit you have deserved
	High commendation, true applause and love,
	Yet such is now the duke's condition
	That he misconstrues all that you have done.	245
	The duke is humorous; what he is indeed,
	More suits you to conceive than I to speak of.
ORLANDO	I thank you, sir: and, pray you, tell me this:
	Which of the two was daughter of the duke
	That here was at the wrestling?	250
LE BEAU	Neither his daughter, if we judge by manners;
	But yet indeed the lesser is his daughter
	The other is daughter to the banish'd duke,
	And here detain'd by her usurping uncle,
	To keep his daughter company; whose loves	255
	Are dearer than the natural bond of sisters.
	But I can tell you that of late this duke
	Hath ta'en displeasure 'gainst his gentle niece,
	Grounded upon no other argument
	But that the people praise her for her virtues	260
	And pity her for her good father's sake;
	And, on my life, his malice 'gainst the lady
	Will suddenly break forth. Sir, fare you well:
	Hereafter, in a better world than this,
	I shall desire more love and knowledge of you.	265
ORLANDO	I rest much bounden to you: fare you well.
	Exit LE BEAU
	Thus must I from the smoke into the smother;
	From tyrant duke unto a tyrant brother:
	But heavenly Rosalind!
	Exit