| ACT III SCENE I | The same. | |
| | Enter DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO and MOTH. | |
| DONADRIANO DE ARMADO | Warble, child; make passionate my sense of hearing. | |
| MOTH | Concolinel. | |
| | Singing | |
| DONADRIANO DE ARMADO | Sweet air! Go, tenderness of years; take this key, | |
| | give enlargement to the swain, bring him festinately | 5 |
| | hither: I must employ him in a letter to my love. | |
| MOTH | Master, will you win your love with a French brawl? | |
| DONADRIANO DE ARMADO | How meanest thou? brawling in French? | |
| MOTH | No, my complete master: but to jig off a tune at | |
| | the tongue's end, canary to it with your feet, humour | 10 |
| | it with turning up your eyelids, sigh a note and | |
| | sing a note, sometime through the throat, as if you | |
| | swallowed love with singing love, sometime through | |
| | the nose, as if you snuffed up love by smelling | |
| | love; with your hat penthouse-like o'er the shop of | 15 |
| | your eyes; with your arms crossed on your thin-belly | |
| | doublet like a rabbit on a spit; or your hands in | |
| | your pocket like a man after the old painting; and | |
| | keep not too long in one tune, but a snip and away. | |
| | These are complements, these are humours; these | 20 |
| | betray nice wenches, that would be betrayed without | |
| | these; and make them men of note--do you note | |
| | me?--that most are affected to these. | |
| DONADRIANO DE ARMADO | How hast thou purchased this experience? | |
| MOTH | By my penny of observation. | 25 |
| DONADRIANO DE ARMADO | But O,--but O,-- | |
| MOTH | 'The hobby-horse is forgot.' | |
| DONADRIANO DE ARMADO | Callest thou my love 'hobby-horse'? | |
| MOTH | No, master; the hobby-horse is but a colt, and your | |
| | love perhaps a hackney. But have you forgot your love? | 30 |
| DONADRIANO DE ARMADO | Almost I had. | |
| MOTH | Negligent student! learn her by heart. | |
| DONADRIANO DE ARMADO | By heart and in heart, boy. | |
| MOTH | And out of heart, master: all those three I will prove. | |
| DONADRIANO DE ARMADO | What wilt thou prove? | 35 |
| MOTH | A man, if I live; and this, by, in, and without, upon | |
| | the instant: by heart you love her, because your | |
| | heart cannot come by her; in heart you love her, | |
| | because your heart is in love with her; and out of | |
| | heart you love her, being out of heart that you | 40 |
| | cannot enjoy her. | |
| DONADRIANO DE ARMADO | I am all these three. | |
| MOTH | And three times as much more, and yet nothing at | |
| | all. | |
| DONADRIANO DE ARMADO | Fetch hither the swain: he must carry me a letter. | 45 |
| MOTH | A message well sympathized; a horse to be ambassador | |
| | for an ass. | |
| DONADRIANO DE ARMADO | Ha, ha! what sayest thou? | |
| MOTH | Marry, sir, you must send the ass upon the horse, | |
| | for he is very slow-gaited. But I go. | 50 |
| DONADRIANO DE ARMADO | The way is but short: away! | |
| MOTH | As swift as lead, sir. | |
| DONADRIANO DE ARMADO | The meaning, pretty ingenious? | |
| | Is not lead a metal heavy, dull, and slow? | |
| MOTH | Minime, honest master; or rather, master, no. | 55 |
| DONADRIANO DE ARMADO | I say lead is slow. | |
| MOTH | You are too swift, sir, to say so: | |
| | Is that lead slow which is fired from a gun? | |
| DONADRIANO DE ARMADO | Sweet smoke of rhetoric! | |
| | He reputes me a cannon; and the bullet, that's he: | 60 |
| | I shoot thee at the swain. | |
| MOTH | Thump then and I flee. | |
| | Exit | |
| DONADRIANO DE ARMADO | A most acute juvenal; voluble and free of grace! | |
| | By thy favour, sweet welkin, I must sigh in thy face: | |
| | Most rude melancholy, valour gives thee place. | 65 |
| | My herald is return'd. | |
| | Re-enter MOTH with COSTARD. | |
| MOTH | A wonder, master! here's a costard broken in a shin. | |
| DONADRIANO DE ARMADO | Some enigma, some riddle: come, thy l'envoy; begin. | |
| COSTARD | No enigma, no riddle, no l'envoy; no salve in the | |
| | mail, sir: O, sir, plantain, a plain plantain! no | 70 |
| | l'envoy, no l'envoy; no salve, sir, but a plantain! | |
| DONADRIANO DE ARMADO | By virtue, thou enforcest laughter; thy silly | |
| | thought my spleen; the heaving of my lungs provokes | |
| | me to ridiculous smiling. O, pardon me, my stars! | |
| | Doth the inconsiderate take salve for l'envoy, and | 75 |
| | the word l'envoy for a salve? | |
| MOTH | Do the wise think them other? is not l'envoy a salve? | |
| DONADRIANO DE ARMADO | No, page: it is an epilogue or discourse, to make plain | |
| | Some obscure precedence that hath tofore been sain. | |
| | I will example it: | 80 |
| | The fox, the ape, and the humble-bee, | |
| | Were still at odds, being but three. | |
| | There's the moral. Now the l'envoy. | |
| MOTH | I will add the l'envoy. Say the moral again. | |
| DONADRIANO DE ARMADO | The fox, the ape, and the humble-bee, | 85 |
| | Were still at odds, being but three. | |
| MOTH | Until the goose came out of door, | |
| | And stay'd the odds by adding four. | |
| | Now will I begin your moral, and do you follow with | |
| | my l'envoy. | 90 |
| | The fox, the ape, and the humble-bee, | |
| | Were still at odds, being but three. | |
| DONADRIANO DE ARMADO | Until the goose came out of door, | |
| | Staying the odds by adding four. | |
| MOTH | A good l'envoy, ending in the goose: would you | 95 |
| | desire more? | |
| COSTARD | The boy hath sold him a bargain, a goose, that's flat. | |
| | Sir, your pennyworth is good, an your goose be fat. | |
| | To sell a bargain well is as cunning as fast and loose: | |
| | Let me see; a fat l'envoy; ay, that's a fat goose. | 100 |
| DONADRIANO DE ARMADO | Come hither, come hither. How did this argument begin? | |
| MOTH | By saying that a costard was broken in a shin. | |
| | Then call'd you for the l'envoy. | |
| COSTARD | True, and I for a plantain: thus came your | |
| | argument in; | 105 |
| | Then the boy's fat l'envoy, the goose that you bought; | |
| | And he ended the market. | |
| DONADRIANO DE ARMADO | But tell me; how was there a costard broken in a shin? | |
| MOTH | I will tell you sensibly. | |
| COSTARD | Thou hast no feeling of it, Moth: I will speak that l'envoy: | 110 |
| | I Costard, running out, that was safely within, | |
| | Fell over the threshold and broke my shin. | |
| DONADRIANO DE ARMADO | We will talk no more of this matter. | |
| COSTARD | Till there be more matter in the shin. | |
| DONADRIANO DE ARMADO | Sirrah Costard, I will enfranchise thee. | 115 |
| COSTARD | O, marry me to one Frances: I smell some l'envoy, | |
| | some goose, in this. | |
| DONADRIANO DE ARMADO | By my sweet soul, I mean setting thee at liberty, | |
| | enfreedoming thy person; thou wert immured, | |
| | restrained, captivated, bound. | 120 |
| COSTARD | True, true; and now you will be my purgation and let me loose. | |
| DONADRIANO DE ARMADO | I give thee thy liberty, set thee from durance; and, | |
| | in lieu thereof, impose on thee nothing but this: | |
| | bear this significant | |
| | Giving a letter. | |
| | to the country maid Jaquenetta: | 125 |
| | there is remuneration; for the best ward of mine | |
| | honour is rewarding my dependents. Moth, follow. | |
| | Exit | |
| MOTH | Like the sequel, I. Signior Costard, adieu. | |
| COSTARD | My sweet ounce of man's flesh! my incony Jew! | |
| | Exit MOTH | |
| | Now will I look to his remuneration. Remuneration! | 130 |
| | O, that's the Latin word for three farthings: three | |
| | farthings--remuneration.--'What's the price of this | |
| | inkle?'--'One penny.'--'No, I'll give you a | |
| | remuneration:' why, it carries it. Remuneration! | |
| | why, it is a fairer name than French crown. I will | 135 |
| | never buy and sell out of this word. | |
| | Enter BIRON. | |
| BIRON | O, my good knave Costard! exceedingly well met. | |
| COSTARD | Pray you, sir, how much carnation ribbon may a man | |
| | buy for a remuneration? | |
| BIRON | What is a remuneration? | 140 |
| COSTARD | Marry, sir, halfpenny farthing. | |
| BIRON | Why, then, three-farthing worth of silk. | |
| COSTARD | I thank your worship: God be wi' you! | |
| BIRON | Stay, slave; I must employ thee: | |
| | As thou wilt win my favour, good my knave, | 145 |
| | Do one thing for me that I shall entreat. | |
| COSTARD | When would you have it done, sir? | |
| BIRON | This afternoon. | |
| COSTARD | Well, I will do it, sir: fare you well. | |
| BIRON | Thou knowest not what it is. | 150 |
| COSTARD | I shall know, sir, when I have done it. | |
| BIRON | Why, villain, thou must know first. | |
| COSTARD | I will come to your worship to-morrow morning. | |
| BIRON | It must be done this afternoon. | |
| | Hark, slave, it is but this: | 155 |
| | The princess comes to hunt here in the park, | |
| | And in her train there is a gentle lady; | |
| | When tongues speak sweetly, then they name her name, | |
| | And Rosaline they call her: ask for her; | |
| | And to her white hand see thou do commend | 160 |
| | This seal'd-up counsel. There's thy guerdon; go. | |
| | Giving him a shilling. | |
| COSTARD | Gardon, O sweet gardon! better than remuneration, | |
| | a'leven-pence farthing better: most sweet gardon! I | |
| | will do it sir, in print. Gardon! Remuneration! | |
| | Exit | |
| BIRON | And I, forsooth, in love! I, that have been love's whip; | 165 |
| | A very beadle to a humorous sigh; | |
| | A critic, nay, a night-watch constable; | |
| | A domineering pedant o'er the boy; | |
| | Than whom no mortal so magnificent! | |
| | This whimpled, whining, purblind, wayward boy; | 170 |
| | This senior-junior, giant-dwarf, Dan Cupid; | |
| | Regent of love-rhymes, lord of folded arms, | |
| | The anointed sovereign of sighs and groans, | |
| | Liege of all loiterers and malcontents, | |
| | Dread prince of plackets, king of codpieces, | 175 |
| | Sole imperator and great general | |
| | Of trotting 'paritors:--O my little heart:-- | |
| | And I to be a corporal of his field, | |
| | And wear his colours like a tumbler's hoop! | |
| | What, I! I love! I sue! I seek a wife! | 180 |
| | A woman, that is like a German clock, | |
| | Still a-repairing, ever out of frame, | |
| | And never going aright, being a watch, | |
| | But being watch'd that it may still go right! | |
| | Nay, to be perjured, which is worst of all; | 185 |
| | And, among three, to love the worst of all; | |
| | A wightly wanton with a velvet brow, | |
| | With two pitch-balls stuck in her face for eyes; | |
| | Ay, and by heaven, one that will do the deed | |
| | Though Argus were her eunuch and her guard: | 190 |
| | And I to sigh for her! to watch for her! | |
| | To pray for her! Go to; it is a plague | |
| | That Cupid will impose for my neglect | |
| | Of his almighty dreadful little might. | |
| | Well, I will love, write, sigh, pray, sue and groan: | 195 |
| | Some men must love my lady and some Joan. | |
| | Exit | |
