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The Taming of the Shrew

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ACT III SCENE II Padua. Before BAPTISTA'S house. 
BAPTISTA[To TRANIO] Signior Lucentio, this is the
'pointed day.
That Katharina and Petruchio should be married,
And yet we hear not of our son-in-law.
What will be said? what mockery will it be,5
To want the bridegroom when the priest attends
To speak the ceremonial rites of marriage!
What says Lucentio to this shame of ours?
KATHARINANo shame but mine: I must, forsooth, be forced
To give my hand opposed against my heart10
Unto a mad-brain rudesby full of spleen;
Who woo'd in haste and means to wed at leisure.
I told you, I, he was a frantic fool,
Hiding his bitter jests in blunt behavior:
And, to be noted for a merry man,15
He'll woo a thousand, 'point the day of marriage,
Make feasts, invite friends, and proclaim the banns;
Yet never means to wed where he hath woo'd.
Now must the world point at poor Katharina,
And say, 'Lo, there is mad Petruchio's wife,20
If it would please him come and marry her!'
TRANIOPatience, good Katharina, and Baptista too.
Upon my life, Petruchio means but well,
Whatever fortune stays him from his word:
Though he be blunt, I know him passing wise;25
Though he be merry, yet withal he's honest.
KATHARINAWould Katharina had never seen him though!
[Exit weeping, followed by BIANCA and others]
BAPTISTAGo, girl; I cannot blame thee now to weep;
For such an injury would vex a very saint,
Much more a shrew of thy impatient humour.30
BIONDELLOMaster, master! news, old news, and such news as
you never heard of!
BAPTISTAIs it new and old too? how may that be?
BIONDELLOWhy, is it not news, to hear of Petruchio's coming?
BAPTISTAIs he come?35
BIONDELLOWhy, no, sir.
BAPTISTAWhat then?
BIONDELLOHe is coming.
BAPTISTAWhen will he be here?
BIONDELLOWhen he stands where I am and sees you there.40
TRANIOBut say, what to thine old news?
BIONDELLOWhy, Petruchio is coming in a new hat and an old
jerkin, a pair of old breeches thrice turned, a pair
of boots that have been candle-cases, one buckled,
another laced, an old rusty sword ta'en out of the45
town-armory, with a broken hilt, and chapeless;
with two broken points: his horse hipped with an
old mothy saddle and stirrups of no kindred;
besides, possessed with the glanders and like to mose
in the chine; troubled with the lampass, infected50
with the fashions, full of wingdalls, sped with
spavins, rayed with yellows, past cure of the fives,
stark spoiled with the staggers, begnawn with the
bots, swayed in the back and shoulder-shotten;
near-legged before and with, a half-chequed bit55
and a head-stall of sheeps leather which, being
restrained to keep him from stumbling, hath been
often burst and now repaired with knots; one girth
six time pieced and a woman's crupper of velure,
which hath two letters for her name fairly set down60
in studs, and here and there pieced with packthread.
BAPTISTAWho comes with him?
BIONDELLOO, sir, his lackey, for all the world caparisoned
like the horse; with a linen stock on one leg and a
kersey boot-hose on the other, gartered with a red65
and blue list; an old hat and 'the humour of forty
fancies' pricked in't for a feather: a monster, a

very monster in apparel, and not like a Christian
footboy or a gentleman's lackey.
TRANIO'Tis some odd humour pricks him to this fashion;70
Yet oftentimes he goes but mean-apparell'd.
BAPTISTAI am glad he's come, howsoe'er he comes.
BIONDELLOWhy, sir, he comes not.
BAPTISTADidst thou not say he comes?
BIONDELLOWho? that Petruchio came?75
BAPTISTAAy, that Petruchio came.
BIONDELLONo, sir, I say his horse comes, with him on his back.
BAPTISTAWhy, that's all one.
BIONDELLONay, by Saint Jamy,
I hold you a penny,80
A horse and a man
Is more than one,
And yet not many.
PETRUCHIOCome, where be these gallants? who's at home?
BAPTISTAYou are welcome, sir.85
PETRUCHIOAnd yet I come not well.
BAPTISTAAnd yet you halt not.
TRANIONot so well apparell'd
As I wish you were.
PETRUCHIOWere it better, I should rush in thus.90
But where is Kate? where is my lovely bride?
How does my father? Gentles, methinks you frown:
And wherefore gaze this goodly company,
As if they saw some wondrous monument,
Some comet or unusual prodigy?95
BAPTISTAWhy, sir, you know this is your wedding-day:
First were we sad, fearing you would not come;
Now sadder, that you come so unprovided.
Fie, doff this habit, shame to your estate,
An eye-sore to our solemn festival!100
TRANIOAnd tells us, what occasion of import
Hath all so long detain'd you from your wife,
And sent you hither so unlike yourself?
PETRUCHIOTedious it were to tell, and harsh to hear:
Sufficeth I am come to keep my word,105
Though in some part enforced to digress;
Which, at more leisure, I will so excuse
As you shall well be satisfied withal.
But where is Kate? I stay too long from her:
The morning wears, 'tis time we were at church.110
TRANIOSee not your bride in these unreverent robes:
Go to my chamber; Put on clothes of mine.
PETRUCHIONot I, believe me: thus I'll visit her.
BAPTISTABut thus, I trust, you will not marry her.
PETRUCHIOGood sooth, even thus; therefore ha' done with words:115
To me she's married, not unto my clothes:
Could I repair what she will wear in me,
As I can change these poor accoutrements,
'Twere well for Kate and better for myself.
But what a fool am I to chat with you,120
When I should bid good morrow to my bride,
And seal the title with a lovely kiss!
TRANIOHe hath some meaning in his mad attire:
We will persuade him, be it possible,
To put on better ere he go to church.125
BAPTISTAI'll after him, and see the event of this.
[Exeunt BAPTISTA, GREMIO, and attendants]
TRANIOBut to her love concerneth us to add
Her father's liking: which to bring to pass,
As I before unparted to your worship,
I am to get a man,--whate'er he be,130
It skills not much. we'll fit him to our turn,--
And he shall be Vincentio of Pisa;
And make assurance here in Padua
Of greater sums than I have promised.
So shall you quietly enjoy your hope,135
And marry sweet Bianca with consent.
LUCENTIOWere it not that my fellow-school-master
Doth watch Bianca's steps so narrowly,
'Twere good, methinks, to steal our marriage;
Which once perform'd, let all the world say no,140
I'll keep mine own, despite of all the world.
TRANIOThat by degrees we mean to look into,
And watch our vantage in this business:
We'll over-reach the greybeard, Gremio,
The narrow-prying father, Minola,145
The quaint musician, amorous Licio;
All for my master's sake, Lucentio.
[Re-enter GREMIO]
Signior Gremio, came you from the church?
GREMIOAs willingly as e'er I came from school.
TRANIOAnd is the bride and bridegroom coming home?150
GREMIOA bridegroom say you? 'tis a groom indeed,
A grumbling groom, and that the girl shall find.
TRANIOCurster than she? why, 'tis impossible.
GREMIOWhy he's a devil, a devil, a very fiend.
TRANIOWhy, she's a devil, a devil, the devil's dam.155
GREMIOTut, she's a lamb, a dove, a fool to him!
I'll tell you, Sir Lucentio: when the priest
Should ask, if Katharina should be his wife,
'Ay, by gogs-wouns,' quoth he; and swore so loud,
That, all-amazed, the priest let fall the book;160
And, as he stoop'd again to take it up,
The mad-brain'd bridegroom took him such a cuff
That down fell priest and book and book and priest:
'Now take them up,' quoth he, 'if any list.'
TRANIOWhat said the wench when he rose again?165
GREMIOTrembled and shook; for why, he stamp'd and swore,
As if the vicar meant to cozen him.
But after many ceremonies done,
He calls for wine: 'A health!' quoth he, as if
He had been aboard, carousing to his mates170
After a storm; quaff'd off the muscadel
And threw the sops all in the sexton's face;
Having no other reason
But that his beard grew thin and hungerly
And seem'd to ask him sops as he was drinking.175
This done, he took the bride about the neck
And kiss'd her lips with such a clamorous smack
That at the parting all the church did echo:
And I seeing this came thence for very shame;
And after me, I know, the rout is coming.180
Such a mad marriage never was before:
Hark, hark! I hear the minstrels play.
PETRUCHIOGentlemen and friends, I thank you for your pains:
I know you think to dine with me to-day,
And have prepared great store of wedding cheer;185
But so it is, my haste doth call me hence,
And therefore here I mean to take my leave.
BAPTISTAIs't possible you will away to-night?
PETRUCHIOI must away to-day, before night come:
Make it no wonder; if you knew my business,190
You would entreat me rather go than stay.
And, honest company, I thank you all,
That have beheld me give away myself
To this most patient, sweet and virtuous wife:
Dine with my father, drink a health to me;195
For I must hence; and farewell to you all.
TRANIOLet us entreat you stay till after dinner.
PETRUCHIOIt may not be.
GREMIOLet me entreat you.
PETRUCHIOIt cannot be.200
KATHARINALet me entreat you.
PETRUCHIOI am content.
KATHARINAAre you content to stay?
PETRUCHIOI am content you shall entreat me stay;
But yet not stay, entreat me how you can.205
KATHARINANow, if you love me, stay.
PETRUCHIOGrumio, my horse.
GRUMIOAy, sir, they be ready: the oats have eaten the horses.
Do what thou canst, I will not go to-day;210
No, nor to-morrow, not till I please myself.
The door is open, sir; there lies your way;
You may be jogging whiles your boots are green;
For me, I'll not be gone till I please myself:
'Tis like you'll prove a jolly surly groom,215
That take it on you at the first so roundly.
PETRUCHIOO Kate, content thee; prithee, be not angry.
KATHARINAI will be angry: what hast thou to do?
Father, be quiet; he shall stay my leisure.
GREMIOAy, marry, sir, now it begins to work.220
KATARINAGentlemen, forward to the bridal dinner:
I see a woman may be made a fool,
If she had not a spirit to resist.
PETRUCHIOThey shall go forward, Kate, at thy command.
Obey the bride, you that attend on her;225
Go to the feast, revel and domineer,
Carouse full measure to her maidenhead,
Be mad and merry, or go hang yourselves:
But for my bonny Kate, she must with me.
Nay, look not big, nor stamp, nor stare, nor fret;230
I will be master of what is mine own:
She is my goods, my chattels; she is my house,
My household stuff, my field, my barn,
My horse, my ox, my ass, my any thing;
And here she stands, touch her whoever dare;235
I'll bring mine action on the proudest he
That stops my way in Padua. Grumio,
Draw forth thy weapon, we are beset with thieves;
Rescue thy mistress, if thou be a man.
Fear not, sweet wench, they shall not touch240
thee, Kate:
I'll buckler thee against a million.
BAPTISTANay, let them go, a couple of quiet ones.
GREMIOWent they not quickly, I should die with laughing.
TRANIOOf all mad matches never was the like.245
LUCENTIOMistress, what's your opinion of your sister?
BIANCAThat, being mad herself, she's madly mated.
GREMIOI warrant him, Petruchio is Kated.
BAPTISTANeighbours and friends, though bride and
bridegroom wants250
For to supply the places at the table,
You know there wants no junkets at the feast.
Lucentio, you shall supply the bridegroom's place:
And let Bianca take her sister's room.
TRANIOShall sweet Bianca practise how to bride it?255
BAPTISTAShe shall, Lucentio. Come, gentlemen, let's go.

Next: The Taming of the Shrew, Act 4, Scene 1


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