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The Merry Wives of Windsor

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ACT II SCENE III A field near Windsor. 
DOCTOR CAIUSVat is de clock, Jack?
RUGBY'Tis past the hour, sir, that Sir Hugh promised to meet.
DOCTOR CAIUSBy gar, he has save his soul, dat he is no come; he5
has pray his Pible well, dat he is no come: by gar,
Jack Rugby, he is dead already, if he be come.
RUGBYHe is wise, sir; he knew your worship would kill
him, if he came.
DOCTOR CAIUSBy gar, de herring is no dead so as I vill kill him.10
Take your rapier, Jack; I vill tell you how I vill kill him.
RUGBYAlas, sir, I cannot fence.
DOCTOR CAIUSVillany, take your rapier.
RUGBYForbear; here's company.
[Enter Host, SHALLOW, SLENDER, and PAGE]
HostBless thee, bully doctor!15
SHALLOWSave you, Master Doctor Caius!
PAGENow, good master doctor!
SLENDERGive you good morrow, sir.
DOCTOR CAIUSVat be all you, one, two, tree, four, come for?
HostTo see thee fight, to see thee foin, to see thee20
traverse; to see thee here, to see thee there; to
see thee pass thy punto, thy stock, thy reverse, thy
distance, thy montant. Is he dead, my Ethiopian? is
he dead, my Francisco? ha, bully! What says my
AEsculapius? my Galen? my heart of elder? ha! is25
he dead, bully stale? is he dead?
DOCTOR CAIUSBy gar, he is de coward Jack priest of de vorld; he
is not show his face.
HostThou art a Castalion-King-Urinal. Hector of Greece, my boy!
DOCTOR CAIUSI pray you, bear vitness that me have stay six or30
seven, two, tree hours for him, and he is no come.
SHALLOWHe is the wiser man, master doctor: he is a curer of
souls, and you a curer of bodies; if you should
fight, you go against the hair of your professions.
Is it not true, Master Page?35
PAGEMaster Shallow, you have yourself been a great
fighter, though now a man of peace.
SHALLOWBodykins, Master Page, though I now be old and of
the peace, if I see a sword out, my finger itches to
make one. Though we are justices and doctors and40
churchmen, Master Page, we have some salt of our
youth in us; we are the sons of women, Master Page.
PAGE'Tis true, Master Shallow.
SHALLOWIt will be found so, Master Page. Master Doctor
Caius, I am come to fetch you home. I am sworn of45
the peace: you have showed yourself a wise
physician, and Sir Hugh hath shown himself a wise
and patient churchman. You must go with me, master doctor.
HostPardon, guest-justice. A word, Mounseur Mockwater.
DOCTOR CAIUSMock-vater! vat is dat?50
HostMock-water, in our English tongue, is valour, bully.
DOCTOR CAIUSBy gar, den, I have as mush mock-vater as de
Englishman. Scurvy jack-dog priest! by gar, me
vill cut his ears.
HostHe will clapper-claw thee tightly, bully.55
DOCTOR CAIUSClapper-de-claw! vat is dat?
HostThat is, he will make thee amends.
DOCTOR CAIUSBy gar, me do look he shall clapper-de-claw me;
for, by gar, me vill have it.
HostAnd I will provoke him to't, or let him wag.60
DOCTOR CAIUSMe tank you for dat.
HostAnd, moreover, bully,--but first, master guest, and
Master Page, and eke Cavaleiro Slender, go you
through the town to Frogmore.
[Aside to them]
PAGESir Hugh is there, is he?65
HostHe is there: see what humour he is in; and I will
bring the doctor about by the fields. Will it do well?
SHALLOWWe will do it.
SLENDERAdieu, good master doctor.
DOCTOR CAIUSBy gar, me vill kill de priest; for he speak for a70
jack-an-ape to Anne Page.
HostLet him die: sheathe thy impatience, throw cold
water on thy choler: go about the fields with me
through Frogmore: I will bring thee where Mistress
Anne Page is, at a farm-house a-feasting; and thou75
shalt woo her. Cried I aim? said I well?
DOCTOR CAIUSBy gar, me dank you for dat: by gar, I love you;
and I shall procure-a you de good guest, de earl,
de knight, de lords, de gentlemen, my patients.
HostFor the which I will be thy adversary toward Anne80
Page. Said I well?
DOCTOR CAIUSBy gar, 'tis good; vell said.
HostLet us wag, then.
DOCTOR CAIUSCome at my heels, Jack Rugby.

Next: The Merry Wives of Windsor, Act 3, Scene 1


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