Twelfth Night

Twelfth Night

ACT III SCENE IV	OLIVIA's garden.
	Enter OLIVIA and MARIA
OLIVIA	I have sent after him: he says he'll come;
	How shall I feast him? what bestow of him?
	For youth is bought more oft than begg'd or borrow'd.
	I speak too loud.	5
	Where is Malvolio? he is sad and civil,
	And suits well for a servant with my fortunes:
	Where is Malvolio?
MARIA	He's coming, madam; but in very strange manner. He
	is, sure, possessed, madam.	10
OLIVIA	Why, what's the matter? does he rave?
MARIA	No. madam, he does nothing but smile: your
	ladyship were best to have some guard about you, if
	he come; for, sure, the man is tainted in's wits.
OLIVIA	Go call him hither.	15
	Exit MARIA
	I am as mad as he,
	If sad and merry madness equal be.
	Re-enter MARIA, with MALVOLIO
	How now, Malvolio!
MALVOLIO	Sweet lady, ho, ho.
OLIVIA	Smilest thou?	20
	I sent for thee upon a sad occasion.
MALVOLIO	Sad, lady! I could be sad: this does make some
	obstruction in the blood, this cross-gartering; but
	what of that? if it please the eye of one, it is
	with me as the very true sonnet is, 'Please one, and	25
	please all.'
OLIVIA	Why, how dost thou, man? what is the matter with thee?
MALVOLIO	Not black in my mind, though yellow in my legs. It
	did come to his hands, and commands shall be
	executed: I think we do know the sweet Roman hand.	30
OLIVIA	Wilt thou go to bed, Malvolio?
MALVOLIO	To bed! ay, sweet-heart, and I'll come to thee.
OLIVIA	God comfort thee! Why dost thou smile so and kiss
	thy hand so oft?
MARIA	How do you, Malvolio?	35
MALVOLIO	At your request! yes; nightingales answer daws.
MARIA	Why appear you with this ridiculous boldness before my lady?
MALVOLIO	'Be not afraid of greatness:' 'twas well writ.
OLIVIA	What meanest thou by that, Malvolio?
MALVOLIO	'Some are born great,'--	40
OLIVIA	Ha!
MALVOLIO	'Some achieve greatness,'--
OLIVIA	What sayest thou?
MALVOLIO	'And some have greatness thrust upon them.'
OLIVIA	Heaven restore thee!	45
MALVOLIO	'Remember who commended thy yellow stockings,'--
OLIVIA	Thy yellow stockings!
MALVOLIO	'And wished to see thee cross-gartered.'
OLIVIA	Cross-gartered!
MALVOLIO	'Go to thou art made, if thou desirest to be so;'--	50
OLIVIA	Am I made?
MALVOLIO	'If not, let me see thee a servant still.'
OLIVIA	Why, this is very midsummer madness.
	Enter Servant
Servant	Madam, the young gentleman of the Count Orsino's is
	returned: I could hardly entreat him back: he	55
	attends your ladyship's pleasure.
OLIVIA	I'll come to him.
	Exit Servant
	Good Maria, let this fellow be looked to. Where's
	my cousin Toby? Let some of my people have a special
	care of him: I would not have him miscarry for the	60
	half of my dowry.
	Exeunt OLIVIA and MARIA
MALVOLIO	O, ho! do you come near me now? no worse man than
	Sir Toby to look to me! This concurs directly with
	the letter: she sends him on purpose, that I may
	appear stubborn to him; for she incites me to that	65
	in the letter. 'Cast thy humble slough,' says she;
	'be opposite with a kinsman, surly with servants;
	let thy tongue tang with arguments of state; put
	thyself into the trick of singularity;' and
	consequently sets down the manner how; as, a sad	70
	face, a reverend carriage, a slow tongue, in the
	habit of some sir of note, and so forth. I have
	limed her; but it is Jove's doing, and Jove make me
	thankful! And when she went away now, 'Let this
	fellow be looked to:' fellow! not Malvolio, nor	75
	after my degree, but fellow. Why, every thing
	adheres together, that no dram of a scruple, no
	scruple of a scruple, no obstacle, no incredulous
	or unsafe circumstance--What can be said? Nothing
	that can be can come between me and the full	80
	prospect of my hopes. Well, Jove, not I, is the
	doer of this, and he is to be thanked.
	Re-enter MARIA, with SIR TOBY BELCH and FABIAN
SIR TOBY BELCH	Which way is he, in the name of sanctity? If all
	the devils of hell be drawn in little, and Legion
	himself possessed him, yet I'll speak to him.	85
FABIAN	Here he is, here he is. How is't with you, sir?
	how is't with you, man?
MALVOLIO	Go off; I discard you: let me enjoy my private: go
	off.
MARIA	Lo, how hollow the fiend speaks within him! did not	90
	I tell you? Sir Toby, my lady prays you to have a
	care of him.
MALVOLIO	Ah, ha! does she so?
SIR TOBY BELCH	Go to, go to; peace, peace; we must deal gently
	with him: let me alone. How do you, Malvolio? how	95
	is't with you? What, man! defy the devil:
	consider, he's an enemy to mankind.
MALVOLIO	Do you know what you say?
MARIA	La you, an you speak ill of the devil, how he takes
	it at heart! Pray God, he be not bewitched!	100
FABIAN	Carry his water to the wise woman.
MARIA	Marry, and it shall be done to-morrow morning, if I
	live. My lady would not lose him for more than I'll say.
MALVOLIO	How now, mistress!
MARIA	O Lord!	105
SIR TOBY BELCH	Prithee, hold thy peace; this is not the way: do
	you not see you move him? let me alone with him.
FABIAN	No way but gentleness; gently, gently: the fiend is
	rough, and will not be roughly used.
SIR TOBY BELCH	Why, how now, my bawcock! how dost thou, chuck?	110
MALVOLIO	Sir!
SIR TOBY BELCH	Ay, Biddy, come with me. What, man! 'tis not for
	gravity to play at cherry-pit with Satan: hang
	him, foul collier!
MARIA	Get him to say his prayers, good Sir Toby, get him to pray.	115
MALVOLIO	My prayers, minx!
MARIA	No, I warrant you, he will not hear of godliness.
MALVOLIO	Go, hang yourselves all! you are idle shallow
	things: I am not of your element: you shall know
	more hereafter.	120
	Exit
SIR TOBY BELCH	Is't possible?
FABIAN	If this were played upon a stage now, I could
	condemn it as an improbable fiction.
SIR TOBY BELCH	His very genius hath taken the infection of the device, man.
MARIA	Nay, pursue him now, lest the device take air and taint.	125
FABIAN	Why, we shall make him mad indeed.
MARIA	The house will be the quieter.
SIR TOBY BELCH	Come, we'll have him in a dark room and bound. My
	niece is already in the belief that he's mad: we
	may carry it thus, for our pleasure and his penance,	130
	till our very pastime, tired out of breath, prompt
	us to have mercy on him: at which time we will
	bring the device to the bar and crown thee for a
	finder of madmen. But see, but see.
	Enter SIR ANDREW
FABIAN	More matter for a May morning.	135
SIR ANDREW	Here's the challenge, read it: warrant there's
	vinegar and pepper in't.
FABIAN	Is't so saucy?
SIR ANDREW	Ay, is't, I warrant him: do but read.
SIR TOBY BELCH	Give me.	140
	Reads
	'Youth, whatsoever thou art, thou art but a scurvy fellow.'
FABIAN	Good, and valiant.
SIR TOBY BELCH	Reads
	why I do call thee so, for I will show thee no reason for't.'
FABIAN	A good note; that keeps you from the blow of the law.
SIR TOBY BELCH	Reads
	sight she uses thee kindly: but thou liest in thy	145
	throat; that is not the matter I challenge thee for.'
FABIAN	Very brief, and to exceeding good sense--less.
SIR TOBY BELCH	Reads
	be thy chance to kill me,'--
FABIAN	Good.
SIR TOBY BELCH	Reads
FABIAN	Still you keep o' the windy side of the law: good.	150
SIR TOBY BELCH	Reads
	one of our souls! He may have mercy upon mine; but
	my hope is better, and so look to thyself. Thy
	friend, as thou usest him, and thy sworn enemy,
	ANDREW AGUECHEEK.
	If this letter move him not, his legs cannot:	155
	I'll give't him.
MARIA	You may have very fit occasion for't: he is now in
	some commerce with my lady, and will by and by depart.
SIR TOBY BELCH	Go, Sir Andrew: scout me for him at the corner the
	orchard like a bum-baily: so soon as ever thou seest	160
	him, draw; and, as thou drawest swear horrible; for
	it comes to pass oft that a terrible oath, with a
	swaggering accent sharply twanged off, gives manhood
	more approbation than ever proof itself would have
	earned him. Away!	165
SIR ANDREW	Nay, let me alone for swearing.
	Exit
SIR TOBY BELCH	Now will not I deliver his letter: for the behavior
	of the young gentleman gives him out to be of good
	capacity and breeding; his employment between his
	lord and my niece confirms no less: therefore this	170
	letter, being so excellently ignorant, will breed no
	terror in the youth: he will find it comes from a
	clodpole. But, sir, I will deliver his challenge by
	word of mouth; set upon Aguecheek a notable report
	of valour; and drive the gentleman, as I know his	175
	youth will aptly receive it, into a most hideous
	opinion of his rage, skill, fury and impetuosity.
	This will so fright them both that they will kill
	one another by the look, like cockatrices.
	Re-enter OLIVIA, with VIOLA
FABIAN	Here he comes with your niece: give them way till	180
	he take leave, and presently after him.
SIR TOBY BELCH	I will meditate the while upon some horrid message
	for a challenge.
	Exeunt SIR TOBY BELCH, FABIAN, and MARIA
OLIVIA	I have said too much unto a heart of stone
	And laid mine honour too unchary out:	185
	There's something in me that reproves my fault;
	But such a headstrong potent fault it is,
	That it but mocks reproof.
VIOLA	With the same 'havior that your passion bears
	Goes on my master's grief.	190
OLIVIA	Here, wear this jewel for me, 'tis my picture;
	Refuse it not; it hath no tongue to vex you;
	And I beseech you come again to-morrow.
	What shall you ask of me that I'll deny,
	That honour saved may upon asking give?	195
VIOLA	Nothing but this; your true love for my master.
OLIVIA	How with mine honour may I give him that
	Which I have given to you?
VIOLA	I will acquit you.
OLIVIA	Well, come again to-morrow: fare thee well:	200
	A fiend like thee might bear my soul to hell.
	Exit
	Re-enter SIR TOBY BELCH and FABIAN
SIR TOBY BELCH	Gentleman, God save thee.
VIOLA	And you, sir.
SIR TOBY BELCH	That defence thou hast, betake thee to't: of what
	nature the wrongs are thou hast done him, I know	205
	not; but thy intercepter, full of despite, bloody as
	the hunter, attends thee at the orchard-end:
	dismount thy tuck, be yare in thy preparation, for
	thy assailant is quick, skilful and deadly.
VIOLA	You mistake, sir; I am sure no man hath any quarrel	210
	to me: my remembrance is very free and clear from
	any image of offence done to any man.
SIR TOBY BELCH	You'll find it otherwise, I assure you: therefore,
	if you hold your life at any price, betake you to
	your guard; for your opposite hath in him what	215
	youth, strength, skill and wrath can furnish man withal.
VIOLA	I pray you, sir, what is he?
SIR TOBY BELCH	He is knight, dubbed with unhatched rapier and on
	carpet consideration; but he is a devil in private
	brawl: souls and bodies hath he divorced three; and	220
	his incensement at this moment is so implacable,
	that satisfaction can be none but by pangs of death
	and sepulchre. Hob, nob, is his word; give't or take't.
VIOLA	I will return again into the house and desire some
	conduct of the lady. I am no fighter. I have heard	225
	of some kind of men that put quarrels purposely on
	others, to taste their valour: belike this is a man
	of that quirk.
SIR TOBY BELCH	Sir, no; his indignation derives itself out of a
	very competent injury: therefore, get you on and	230
	give him his desire. Back you shall not to the
	house, unless you undertake that with me which with
	as much safety you might answer him: therefore, on,
	or strip your sword stark naked; for meddle you
	must, that's certain, or forswear to wear iron about you.	235
VIOLA	This is as uncivil as strange. I beseech you, do me
	this courteous office, as to know of the knight what
	my offence to him is: it is something of my
	negligence, nothing of my purpose.
SIR TOBY BELCH	I will do so. Signior Fabian, stay you by this	240
	gentleman till my return.
	Exit
VIOLA	Pray you, sir, do you know of this matter?
FABIAN	I know the knight is incensed against you, even to a
	mortal arbitrement; but nothing of the circumstance more.
VIOLA	I beseech you, what manner of man is he?	245
FABIAN	Nothing of that wonderful promise, to read him by
	his form, as you are like to find him in the proof
	of his valour. He is, indeed, sir, the most skilful,
	bloody and fatal opposite that you could possibly
	have found in any part of Illyria. Will you walk	250
	towards him? I will make your peace with him if I
	can.
VIOLA	I shall be much bound to you for't: I am one that
	had rather go with sir priest than sir knight: I
	care not who knows so much of my mettle.	255
	Exeunt
	Re-enter SIR TOBY BELCH, with SIR ANDREW
SIR TOBY BELCH	Why, man, he's a very devil; I have not seen such a
	firago. I had a pass with him, rapier, scabbard and
	all, and he gives me the stuck in with such a mortal
	motion, that it is inevitable; and on the answer, he
	pays you as surely as your feet hit the ground they	260
	step on. They say he has been fencer to the Sophy.
SIR ANDREW	Pox on't, I'll not meddle with him.
SIR TOBY BELCH	Ay, but he will not now be pacified: Fabian can
	scarce hold him yonder.
SIR ANDREW	Plague on't, an I thought he had been valiant and so	265
	cunning in fence, I'ld have seen him damned ere I'ld
	have challenged him. Let him let the matter slip,
	and I'll give him my horse, grey Capilet.
SIR TOBY BELCH	I'll make the motion: stand here, make a good show
	on't: this shall end without the perdition of souls.	270
	Aside
	Marry, I'll ride your horse as well as I ride you.
	Re-enter FABIAN and VIOLA
	To FABIAN
	I have his horse to take up the quarrel:
	I have persuaded him the youth's a devil.
FABIAN	He is as horribly conceited of him; and pants and
	looks pale, as if a bear were at his heels.	275
SIR TOBY BELCH	To VIOLA
	with you for's oath sake: marry, he hath better
	bethought him of his quarrel, and he finds that now
	scarce to be worth talking of: therefore draw, for
	the supportance of his vow; he protests he will not hurt you.
VIOLA	Aside
	make me tell them how much I lack of a man.	280
FABIAN	Give ground, if you see him furious.
SIR TOBY BELCH	Come, Sir Andrew, there's no remedy; the gentleman
	will, for his honour's sake, have one bout with you;
	he cannot by the duello avoid it: but he has
	promised me, as he is a gentleman and a soldier, he	285
	will not hurt you. Come on; to't.
SIR ANDREW	Pray God, he keep his oath!
VIOLA	I do assure you, 'tis against my will.
	They draw
	Enter ANTONIO
ANTONIO	Put up your sword. If this young gentleman
	Have done offence, I take the fault on me:	290
	If you offend him, I for him defy you.
SIR TOBY BELCH	You, sir! why, what are you?
ANTONIO	One, sir, that for his love dares yet do more
	Than you have heard him brag to you he will.
SIR TOBY BELCH	Nay, if you be an undertaker, I am for you.	295
	They draw
	Enter Officers
FABIAN	O good Sir Toby, hold! here come the officers.
SIR TOBY BELCH	I'll be with you anon.
VIOLA	Pray, sir, put your sword up, if you please.
SIR ANDREW	Marry, will I, sir; and, for that I promised you,
	I'll be as good as my word: he will bear you easily	300
	and reins well.
First Officer	This is the man; do thy office.
Second Officer	Antonio, I arrest thee at the suit of Count Orsino.
ANTONIO	You do mistake me, sir.
First Officer	No, sir, no jot; I know your favour well,	305
	Though now you have no sea-cap on your head.
	Take him away: he knows I know him well.
ANTONIO	I must obey.
	To VIOLA
	This comes with seeking you:
	But there's no remedy; I shall answer it.	310
	What will you do, now my necessity
	Makes me to ask you for my purse? It grieves me
	Much more for what I cannot do for you
	Than what befalls myself. You stand amazed;
	But be of comfort.	315
Second Officer	Come, sir, away.
ANTONIO	I must entreat of you some of that money.
VIOLA	What money, sir?
	For the fair kindness you have show'd me here,
	And, part, being prompted by your present trouble,	320
	Out of my lean and low ability
	I'll lend you something: my having is not much;
	I'll make division of my present with you:
	Hold, there's half my coffer.
ANTONIO	Will you deny me now?	325
	Is't possible that my deserts to you
	Can lack persuasion? Do not tempt my misery,
	Lest that it make me so unsound a man
	As to upbraid you with those kindnesses
	That I have done for you.	330
VIOLA	I know of none;
	Nor know I you by voice or any feature:
	I hate ingratitude more in a man
	Than lying, vainness, babbling, drunkenness,
	Or any taint of vice whose strong corruption	335
	Inhabits our frail blood.
ANTONIO	O heavens themselves!
Second Officer	Come, sir, I pray you, go.
ANTONIO	Let me speak a little. This youth that you see here
	I snatch'd one half out of the jaws of death,	340
	Relieved him with such sanctity of love,
	And to his image, which methought did promise
	Most venerable worth, did I devotion.
First Officer	What's that to us? The time goes by: away!
ANTONIO	But O how vile an idol proves this god	345
	Thou hast, Sebastian, done good feature shame.
	In nature there's no blemish but the mind;
	None can be call'd deform'd but the unkind:
	Virtue is beauty, but the beauteous evil
	Are empty trunks o'erflourish'd by the devil.	350
First Officer	The man grows mad: away with him! Come, come, sir.
ANTONIO	Lead me on.
	Exit with Officers
VIOLA	Methinks his words do from such passion fly,
	That he believes himself: so do not I.
	Prove true, imagination, O, prove true,	355
	That I, dear brother, be now ta'en for you!
SIR TOBY BELCH	Come hither, knight; come hither, Fabian: we'll
	whisper o'er a couplet or two of most sage saws.
VIOLA	He named Sebastian: I my brother know
	Yet living in my glass; even such and so	360
	In favour was my brother, and he went
	Still in this fashion, colour, ornament,
	For him I imitate: O, if it prove,
	Tempests are kind and salt waves fresh in love.
	Exit
SIR TOBY BELCH	A very dishonest paltry boy, and more a coward than	365
	a hare: his dishonesty appears in leaving his
	friend here in necessity and denying him; and for
	his cowardship, ask Fabian.
FABIAN	A coward, a most devout coward, religious in it.
SIR ANDREW	'Slid, I'll after him again and beat him.	370
SIR TOBY BELCH	Do; cuff him soundly, but never draw thy sword.
SIR ANDREW	An I do not,--
FABIAN	Come, let's see the event.
SIR TOBY BELCH	I dare lay any money 'twill be nothing yet.
	Exeunt