Twelfth Night

Twelfth Night

ACT III SCENE I	OLIVIA's garden.
	Enter VIOLA, and Clown with a tabour
VIOLA	Save thee, friend, and thy music: dost thou live by
	thy tabour?
Clown	No, sir, I live by the church.
VIOLA	Art thou a churchman?	5
Clown	No such matter, sir: I do live by the church; for
	I do live at my house, and my house doth stand by
	the church.
VIOLA	So thou mayst say, the king lies by a beggar, if a
	beggar dwell near him; or, the church stands by thy	10
	tabour, if thy tabour stand by the church.
Clown	You have said, sir. To see this age! A sentence is
	but a cheveril glove to a good wit: how quickly the
	wrong side may be turned outward!
VIOLA	Nay, that's certain; they that dally nicely with	15
	words may quickly make them wanton.
Clown	I would, therefore, my sister had had no name, sir.
VIOLA	Why, man?
Clown	Why, sir, her name's a word; and to dally with that
	word might make my sister wanton. But indeed words	20
	are very rascals since bonds disgraced them.
VIOLA	Thy reason, man?
Clown	Troth, sir, I can yield you none without words; and
	words are grown so false, I am loath to prove
	reason with them.	25
VIOLA	I warrant thou art a merry fellow and carest for nothing.
Clown	Not so, sir, I do care for something; but in my
	conscience, sir, I do not care for you: if that be
	to care for nothing, sir, I would it would make you invisible.
VIOLA	Art not thou the Lady Olivia's fool?	30
Clown	No, indeed, sir; the Lady Olivia has no folly: she
	will keep no fool, sir, till she be married; and
	fools are as like husbands as pilchards are to
	herrings; the husband's the bigger: I am indeed not
	her fool, but her corrupter of words.	35
VIOLA	I saw thee late at the Count Orsino's.
Clown	Foolery, sir, does walk about the orb like the sun,
	it shines every where. I would be sorry, sir, but
	the fool should be as oft with your master as with
	my mistress: I think I saw your wisdom there.	40
VIOLA	Nay, an thou pass upon me, I'll no more with thee.
	Hold, there's expenses for thee.
Clown	Now Jove, in his next commodity of hair, send thee a beard!
VIOLA	By my troth, I'll tell thee, I am almost sick for
	one;	45
	Aside
	though I would not have it grow on my chin. Is thy
	lady within?
Clown	Would not a pair of these have bred, sir?
VIOLA	Yes, being kept together and put to use.
Clown	I would play Lord Pandarus of Phrygia, sir, to bring	50
	a Cressida to this Troilus.
VIOLA	I understand you, sir; 'tis well begged.
Clown	The matter, I hope, is not great, sir, begging but
	a beggar: Cressida was a beggar. My lady is
	within, sir. I will construe to them whence you	55
	come; who you are and what you would are out of my
	welkin, I might say 'element,' but the word is over-worn.
	Exit
VIOLA	This fellow is wise enough to play the fool;
	And to do that well craves a kind of wit:
	He must observe their mood on whom he jests,	60
	The quality of persons, and the time,
	And, like the haggard, cheque at every feather
	That comes before his eye. This is a practise
	As full of labour as a wise man's art
	For folly that he wisely shows is fit;	65
	But wise men, folly-fall'n, quite taint their wit.
	Enter SIR TOBY BELCH, and SIR ANDREW
SIR TOBY BELCH	Save you, gentleman.
VIOLA	And you, sir.
SIR ANDREW	Dieu vous garde, monsieur.
VIOLA	Et vous aussi; votre serviteur.	70
SIR ANDREW	I hope, sir, you are; and I am yours.
SIR TOBY BELCH	Will you encounter the house? my niece is desirous
	you should enter, if your trade be to her.
VIOLA	I am bound to your niece, sir; I mean, she is the
	list of my voyage.	75
SIR TOBY BELCH	Taste your legs, sir; put them to motion.
VIOLA	My legs do better understand me, sir, than I
	understand what you mean by bidding me taste my legs.
SIR TOBY BELCH	I mean, to go, sir, to enter.
VIOLA	I will answer you with gait and entrance. But we	80
	are prevented.
	Enter OLIVIA and MARIA
	Most excellent accomplished lady, the heavens rain
	odours on you!
SIR ANDREW	That youth's a rare courtier: 'Rain odours;' well.
VIOLA	My matter hath no voice, to your own most pregnant	85
	and vouchsafed ear.
SIR ANDREW	'Odours,' 'pregnant' and 'vouchsafed:' I'll get 'em
	all three all ready.
OLIVIA	Let the garden door be shut, and leave me to my hearing.
	Exeunt SIR TOBY BELCH, SIR ANDREW, and MARIA
	Give me your hand, sir.	90
VIOLA	My duty, madam, and most humble service.
OLIVIA	What is your name?
VIOLA	Cesario is your servant's name, fair princess.
OLIVIA	My servant, sir! 'Twas never merry world
	Since lowly feigning was call'd compliment:	95
	You're servant to the Count Orsino, youth.
VIOLA	And he is yours, and his must needs be yours:
	Your servant's servant is your servant, madam.
OLIVIA	For him, I think not on him: for his thoughts,
	Would they were blanks, rather than fill'd with me!	100
VIOLA	Madam, I come to whet your gentle thoughts
	On his behalf.
OLIVIA	O, by your leave, I pray you,
	I bade you never speak again of him:
	But, would you undertake another suit,	105
	I had rather hear you to solicit that
	Than music from the spheres.
VIOLA	Dear lady,--
OLIVIA	Give me leave, beseech you. I did send,
	After the last enchantment you did here,	110
	A ring in chase of you: so did I abuse
	Myself, my servant and, I fear me, you:
	Under your hard construction must I sit,
	To force that on you, in a shameful cunning,
	Which you knew none of yours: what might you think?	115
	Have you not set mine honour at the stake
	And baited it with all the unmuzzled thoughts
	That tyrannous heart can think? To one of your receiving
	Enough is shown: a cypress, not a bosom,
	Hideth my heart. So, let me hear you speak.	120
VIOLA	I pity you.
OLIVIA	That's a degree to love.
VIOLA	No, not a grize; for 'tis a vulgar proof,
	That very oft we pity enemies.
OLIVIA	Why, then, methinks 'tis time to smile again.	125
	O, world, how apt the poor are to be proud!
	If one should be a prey, how much the better
	To fall before the lion than the wolf!
	Clock strikes
	The clock upbraids me with the waste of time.
	Be not afraid, good youth, I will not have you:	130
	And yet, when wit and youth is come to harvest,
	Your were is alike to reap a proper man:
	There lies your way, due west.
VIOLA	Then westward-ho! Grace and good disposition
	Attend your ladyship!	135
	You'll nothing, madam, to my lord by me?
OLIVIA	Stay:
	I prithee, tell me what thou thinkest of me.
VIOLA	That you do think you are not what you are.
OLIVIA	If I think so, I think the same of you.	140
VIOLA	Then think you right: I am not what I am.
OLIVIA	I would you were as I would have you be!
VIOLA	Would it be better, madam, than I am?
	I wish it might, for now I am your fool.
OLIVIA	O, what a deal of scorn looks beautiful	145
	In the contempt and anger of his lip!
	A murderous guilt shows not itself more soon
	Than love that would seem hid: love's night is noon.
	Cesario, by the roses of the spring,
	By maidhood, honour, truth and every thing,	150
	I love thee so, that, maugre all thy pride,
	Nor wit nor reason can my passion hide.
	Do not extort thy reasons from this clause,
	For that I woo, thou therefore hast no cause,
	But rather reason thus with reason fetter,	155
	Love sought is good, but given unsought better.
VIOLA	By innocence I swear, and by my youth
	I have one heart, one bosom and one truth,
	And that no woman has; nor never none
	Shall mistress be of it, save I alone.	160
	And so adieu, good madam: never more
	Will I my master's tears to you deplore.
OLIVIA	Yet come again; for thou perhaps mayst move
	That heart, which now abhors, to like his love.
	Exeunt