The Taming of the Shrew

The Taming of the Shrew

ACT III SCENE II	Padua. Before BAPTISTA'S house.
	Enter BAPTISTA, GREMIO, TRANIO, KATHARINA, BIANCA,LUCENTIO, and others, attendants
BAPTISTA	To TRANIO
	'pointed day.
	That Katharina and Petruchio should be married,
	And yet we hear not of our son-in-law.
	What will be said? what mockery will it be,	5
	To want the bridegroom when the priest attends
	To speak the ceremonial rites of marriage!
	What says Lucentio to this shame of ours?
KATHARINA	No shame but mine: I must, forsooth, be forced
	To give my hand opposed against my heart	10
	Unto a mad-brain rudesby full of spleen;
	Who woo'd in haste and means to wed at leisure.
	I told you, I, he was a frantic fool,
	Hiding his bitter jests in blunt behavior:
	And, to be noted for a merry man,	15
	He'll woo a thousand, 'point the day of marriage,
	Make feasts, invite friends, and proclaim the banns;
	Yet never means to wed where he hath woo'd.
	Now must the world point at poor Katharina,
	And say, 'Lo, there is mad Petruchio's wife,	20
	If it would please him come and marry her!'
TRANIO	Patience, good Katharina, and Baptista too.
	Upon my life, Petruchio means but well,
	Whatever fortune stays him from his word:
	Though he be blunt, I know him passing wise;	25
	Though he be merry, yet withal he's honest.
KATHARINA	Would Katharina had never seen him though!
	Exit weeping, followed by BIANCA and others
BAPTISTA	Go, girl; I cannot blame thee now to weep;
	For such an injury would vex a very saint,
	Much more a shrew of thy impatient humour.	30
	Enter BIONDELLO
BIONDELLO	Master, master! news, old news, and such news as
	you never heard of!
BAPTISTA	Is it new and old too? how may that be?
BIONDELLO	Why, is it not news, to hear of Petruchio's coming?
BAPTISTA	Is he come?	35
BIONDELLO	Why, no, sir.
BAPTISTA	What then?
BIONDELLO	He is coming.
BAPTISTA	When will he be here?
BIONDELLO	When he stands where I am and sees you there.	40
TRANIO	But say, what to thine old news?
BIONDELLO	Why, Petruchio is coming in a new hat and an old
	jerkin, a pair of old breeches thrice turned, a pair
	of boots that have been candle-cases, one buckled,
	another laced, an old rusty sword ta'en out of the	45
	town-armory, with a broken hilt, and chapeless;
	with two broken points: his horse hipped with an
	old mothy saddle and stirrups of no kindred;
	besides, possessed with the glanders and like to mose
	in the chine; troubled with the lampass, infected	50
	with the fashions, full of wingdalls, sped with
	spavins, rayed with yellows, past cure of the fives,
	stark spoiled with the staggers, begnawn with the
	bots, swayed in the back and shoulder-shotten;
	near-legged before and with, a half-chequed bit	55
	and a head-stall of sheeps leather which, being
	restrained to keep him from stumbling, hath been
	often burst and now repaired with knots; one girth
	six time pieced and a woman's crupper of velure,
	which hath two letters for her name fairly set down	60
	in studs, and here and there pieced with packthread.
BAPTISTA	Who comes with him?
BIONDELLO	O, sir, his lackey, for all the world caparisoned
	like the horse; with a linen stock on one leg and a
	kersey boot-hose on the other, gartered with a red	65
	and blue list; an old hat and 'the humour of forty
	fancies' pricked in't for a feather: a monster, a
	very monster in apparel, and not like a Christian
	footboy or a gentleman's lackey.
TRANIO	'Tis some odd humour pricks him to this fashion;	70
	Yet oftentimes he goes but mean-apparell'd.
BAPTISTA	I am glad he's come, howsoe'er he comes.
BIONDELLO	Why, sir, he comes not.
BAPTISTA	Didst thou not say he comes?
BIONDELLO	Who? that Petruchio came?	75
BAPTISTA	Ay, that Petruchio came.
BIONDELLO	No, sir, I say his horse comes, with him on his back.
BAPTISTA	Why, that's all one.
BIONDELLO	Nay, by Saint Jamy,
	I hold you a penny,	80
	A horse and a man
	Is more than one,
	And yet not many.
	Enter PETRUCHIO and GRUMIO
PETRUCHIO	Come, where be these gallants? who's at home?
BAPTISTA	You are welcome, sir.	85
PETRUCHIO	And yet I come not well.
BAPTISTA	And yet you halt not.
TRANIO	Not so well apparell'd
	As I wish you were.
PETRUCHIO	Were it better, I should rush in thus.	90
	But where is Kate? where is my lovely bride?
	How does my father? Gentles, methinks you frown:
	And wherefore gaze this goodly company,
	As if they saw some wondrous monument,
	Some comet or unusual prodigy?	95
BAPTISTA	Why, sir, you know this is your wedding-day:
	First were we sad, fearing you would not come;
	Now sadder, that you come so unprovided.
	Fie, doff this habit, shame to your estate,
	An eye-sore to our solemn festival!	100
TRANIO	And tells us, what occasion of import
	Hath all so long detain'd you from your wife,
	And sent you hither so unlike yourself?
PETRUCHIO	Tedious it were to tell, and harsh to hear:
	Sufficeth I am come to keep my word,	105
	Though in some part enforced to digress;
	Which, at more leisure, I will so excuse
	As you shall well be satisfied withal.
	But where is Kate? I stay too long from her:
	The morning wears, 'tis time we were at church.	110
TRANIO	See not your bride in these unreverent robes:
	Go to my chamber; Put on clothes of mine.
PETRUCHIO	Not I, believe me: thus I'll visit her.
BAPTISTA	But thus, I trust, you will not marry her.
PETRUCHIO	Good sooth, even thus; therefore ha' done with words:	115
	To me she's married, not unto my clothes:
	Could I repair what she will wear in me,
	As I can change these poor accoutrements,
	'Twere well for Kate and better for myself.
	But what a fool am I to chat with you,	120
	When I should bid good morrow to my bride,
	And seal the title with a lovely kiss!
	Exeunt PETRUCHIO and GRUMIO
TRANIO	He hath some meaning in his mad attire:
	We will persuade him, be it possible,
	To put on better ere he go to church.	125
BAPTISTA	I'll after him, and see the event of this.
	Exeunt BAPTISTA, GREMIO, and attendants
TRANIO	But to her love concerneth us to add
	Her father's liking: which to bring to pass,
	As I before unparted to your worship,
	I am to get a man,--whate'er he be,	130
	It skills not much. we'll fit him to our turn,--
	And he shall be Vincentio of Pisa;
	And make assurance here in Padua
	Of greater sums than I have promised.
	So shall you quietly enjoy your hope,	135
	And marry sweet Bianca with consent.
LUCENTIO	Were it not that my fellow-school-master
	Doth watch Bianca's steps so narrowly,
	'Twere good, methinks, to steal our marriage;
	Which once perform'd, let all the world say no,	140
	I'll keep mine own, despite of all the world.
TRANIO	That by degrees we mean to look into,
	And watch our vantage in this business:
	We'll over-reach the greybeard, Gremio,
	The narrow-prying father, Minola,	145
	The quaint musician, amorous Licio;
	All for my master's sake, Lucentio.
	Re-enter GREMIO
	Signior Gremio, came you from the church?
GREMIO	As willingly as e'er I came from school.
TRANIO	And is the bride and bridegroom coming home?	150
GREMIO	A bridegroom say you? 'tis a groom indeed,
	A grumbling groom, and that the girl shall find.
TRANIO	Curster than she? why, 'tis impossible.
GREMIO	Why he's a devil, a devil, a very fiend.
TRANIO	Why, she's a devil, a devil, the devil's dam.	155
GREMIO	Tut, she's a lamb, a dove, a fool to him!
	I'll tell you, Sir Lucentio: when the priest
	Should ask, if Katharina should be his wife,
	'Ay, by gogs-wouns,' quoth he; and swore so loud,
	That, all-amazed, the priest let fall the book;	160
	And, as he stoop'd again to take it up,
	The mad-brain'd bridegroom took him such a cuff
	That down fell priest and book and book and priest:
	'Now take them up,' quoth he, 'if any list.'
TRANIO	What said the wench when he rose again?	165
GREMIO	Trembled and shook; for why, he stamp'd and swore,
	As if the vicar meant to cozen him.
	But after many ceremonies done,
	He calls for wine: 'A health!' quoth he, as if
	He had been aboard, carousing to his mates	170
	After a storm; quaff'd off the muscadel
	And threw the sops all in the sexton's face;
	Having no other reason
	But that his beard grew thin and hungerly
	And seem'd to ask him sops as he was drinking.	175
	This done, he took the bride about the neck
	And kiss'd her lips with such a clamorous smack
	That at the parting all the church did echo:
	And I seeing this came thence for very shame;
	And after me, I know, the rout is coming.	180
	Such a mad marriage never was before:
	Hark, hark! I hear the minstrels play.
	Music
	Re-enter PETRUCHIO, KATHARINA, BIANCA, BAPTISTA,HORTENSIO, GRUMIO, and Train
PETRUCHIO	Gentlemen and friends, I thank you for your pains:
	I know you think to dine with me to-day,
	And have prepared great store of wedding cheer;	185
	But so it is, my haste doth call me hence,
	And therefore here I mean to take my leave.
BAPTISTA	Is't possible you will away to-night?
PETRUCHIO	I must away to-day, before night come:
	Make it no wonder; if you knew my business,	190
	You would entreat me rather go than stay.
	And, honest company, I thank you all,
	That have beheld me give away myself
	To this most patient, sweet and virtuous wife:
	Dine with my father, drink a health to me;	195
	For I must hence; and farewell to you all.
TRANIO	Let us entreat you stay till after dinner.
PETRUCHIO	It may not be.
GREMIO	Let me entreat you.
PETRUCHIO	It cannot be.	200
KATHARINA	Let me entreat you.
PETRUCHIO	I am content.
KATHARINA	Are you content to stay?
PETRUCHIO	I am content you shall entreat me stay;
	But yet not stay, entreat me how you can.	205
KATHARINA	Now, if you love me, stay.
PETRUCHIO	Grumio, my horse.
GRUMIO	Ay, sir, they be ready: the oats have eaten the horses.
KATHARINA	Nay, then,
	Do what thou canst, I will not go to-day;	210
	No, nor to-morrow, not till I please myself.
	The door is open, sir; there lies your way;
	You may be jogging whiles your boots are green;
	For me, I'll not be gone till I please myself:
	'Tis like you'll prove a jolly surly groom,	215
	That take it on you at the first so roundly.
PETRUCHIO	O Kate, content thee; prithee, be not angry.
KATHARINA	I will be angry: what hast thou to do?
	Father, be quiet; he shall stay my leisure.
GREMIO	Ay, marry, sir, now it begins to work.	220
KATARINA	Gentlemen, forward to the bridal dinner:
	I see a woman may be made a fool,
	If she had not a spirit to resist.
PETRUCHIO	They shall go forward, Kate, at thy command.
	Obey the bride, you that attend on her;	225
	Go to the feast, revel and domineer,
	Carouse full measure to her maidenhead,
	Be mad and merry, or go hang yourselves:
	But for my bonny Kate, she must with me.
	Nay, look not big, nor stamp, nor stare, nor fret;	230
	I will be master of what is mine own:
	She is my goods, my chattels; she is my house,
	My household stuff, my field, my barn,
	My horse, my ox, my ass, my any thing;
	And here she stands, touch her whoever dare;	235
	I'll bring mine action on the proudest he
	That stops my way in Padua. Grumio,
	Draw forth thy weapon, we are beset with thieves;
	Rescue thy mistress, if thou be a man.
	Fear not, sweet wench, they shall not touch	240
	thee, Kate:
	I'll buckler thee against a million.
	Exeunt PETRUCHIO, KATHARINA, and GRUMIO
BAPTISTA	Nay, let them go, a couple of quiet ones.
GREMIO	Went they not quickly, I should die with laughing.
TRANIO	Of all mad matches never was the like.	245
LUCENTIO	Mistress, what's your opinion of your sister?
BIANCA	That, being mad herself, she's madly mated.
GREMIO	I warrant him, Petruchio is Kated.
BAPTISTA	Neighbours and friends, though bride and
	bridegroom wants	250
	For to supply the places at the table,
	You know there wants no junkets at the feast.
	Lucentio, you shall supply the bridegroom's place:
	And let Bianca take her sister's room.
TRANIO	Shall sweet Bianca practise how to bride it?	255
BAPTISTA	She shall, Lucentio. Come, gentlemen, let's go.
	Exeunt