Much Ado About Nothing

Much Ado About Nothing

ACT V SCENE II	LEONATO'S garden.
	Enter BENEDICK and MARGARET, meeting
BENEDICK	Pray thee, sweet Mistress Margaret, deserve well at
	my hands by helping me to the speech of Beatrice.
MARGARET	Will you then write me a sonnet in praise of my beauty?
BENEDICK	In so high a style, Margaret, that no man living	5
	shall come over it; for, in most comely truth, thou
	deservest it.
MARGARET	To have no man come over me! why, shall I always
	keep below stairs?
BENEDICK	Thy wit is as quick as the greyhound's mouth; it catches.	10
MARGARET	And yours as blunt as the fencer's foils, which hit,
	but hurt not.
BENEDICK	A most manly wit, Margaret; it will not hurt a
	woman: and so, I pray thee, call Beatrice: I give
	thee the bucklers.	15
MARGARET	Give us the swords; we have bucklers of our own.
BENEDICK	If you use them, Margaret, you must put in the
	pikes with a vice; and they are dangerous weapons for maids.
MARGARET	Well, I will call Beatrice to you, who I think hath legs.
BENEDICK	And therefore will come.	20
	Exit MARGARET
	Sings
	The god of love,
	That sits above,
	And knows me, and knows me,
	How pitiful I deserve,--
	I mean in singing; but in loving, Leander the good	25
	swimmer, Troilus the first employer of panders, and
	a whole bookful of these quondam carpet-mangers,
	whose names yet run smoothly in the even road of a
	blank verse, why, they were never so truly turned
	over and over as my poor self in love. Marry, I	30
	cannot show it in rhyme; I have tried: I can find
	out no rhyme to 'lady' but 'baby,' an innocent
	rhyme; for 'scorn,' 'horn,' a hard rhyme; for,
	'school,' 'fool,' a babbling rhyme; very ominous
	endings: no, I was not born under a rhyming planet,	35
	nor I cannot woo in festival terms.
	Enter BEATRICE
	Sweet Beatrice, wouldst thou come when I called thee?
BEATRICE	Yea, signior, and depart when you bid me.
BENEDICK	O, stay but till then!
BEATRICE	'Then' is spoken; fare you well now: and yet, ere	40
	I go, let me go with that I came; which is, with
	knowing what hath passed between you and Claudio.
BENEDICK	Only foul words; and thereupon I will kiss thee.
BEATRICE	Foul words is but foul wind, and foul wind is but
	foul breath, and foul breath is noisome; therefore I	45
	will depart unkissed.
BENEDICK	Thou hast frighted the word out of his right sense,
	so forcible is thy wit. But I must tell thee
	plainly, Claudio undergoes my challenge; and either
	I must shortly hear from him, or I will subscribe	50
	him a coward. And, I pray thee now, tell me for
	which of my bad parts didst thou first fall in love with me?
BEATRICE	For them all together; which maintained so politic
	a state of evil that they will not admit any good
	part to intermingle with them. But for which of my	55
	good parts did you first suffer love for me?
BENEDICK	Suffer love! a good epithet! I do suffer love
	indeed, for I love thee against my will.
BEATRICE	In spite of your heart, I think; alas, poor heart!
	If you spite it for my sake, I will spite it for	60
	yours; for I will never love that which my friend hates.
BENEDICK	Thou and I are too wise to woo peaceably.
BEATRICE	It appears not in this confession: there's not one
	wise man among twenty that will praise himself.
BENEDICK	An old, an old instance, Beatrice, that lived in	65
	the lime of good neighbours. If a man do not erect
	in this age his own tomb ere he dies, he shall live
	no longer in monument than the bell rings and the
	widow weeps.
BEATRICE	And how long is that, think you?	70
BENEDICK	Question: why, an hour in clamour and a quarter in
	rheum: therefore is it most expedient for the
	wise, if Don Worm, his conscience, find no
	impediment to the contrary, to be the trumpet of his
	own virtues, as I am to myself. So much for	75
	praising myself, who, I myself will bear witness, is
	praiseworthy: and now tell me, how doth your cousin?
BEATRICE	Very ill.
BENEDICK	And how do you?
BEATRICE	Very ill too.	80
BENEDICK	Serve God, love me and mend. There will I leave
	you too, for here comes one in haste.
	Enter URSULA
URSULA	Madam, you must come to your uncle. Yonder's old
	coil at home: it is proved my Lady Hero hath been
	falsely accused, the prince and Claudio mightily	85
	abused; and Don John is the author of all, who is
	fed and gone. Will you come presently?
BEATRICE	Will you go hear this news, signior?
BENEDICK	I will live in thy heart, die in thy lap, and be
	buried in thy eyes; and moreover I will go with	90
	thee to thy uncle's.
	Exeunt