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The Merry Wives of Windsor

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ACT III SCENE I A field near Frogmore. 
SIR HUGH EVANSI pray you now, good master Slender's serving-man,
and friend Simple by your name, which way have you
looked for Master Caius, that calls himself doctor of physic?
SIMPLEMarry, sir, the pittie-ward, the park-ward, every
way; old Windsor way, and every way but the town5
SIR HUGH EVANSI most fehemently desire you you will also look that
SIMPLEI will, sir.
SIR HUGH EVANS'Pless my soul, how full of chollors I am, and10
trempling of mind! I shall be glad if he have
deceived me. How melancholies I am! I will knog
his urinals about his knave's costard when I have
good opportunities for the ork. 'Pless my soul!
To shallow rivers, to whose falls15
Melodious birds sings madrigals;
There will we make our peds of roses,
And a thousand fragrant posies.
To shallow--
Mercy on me! I have a great dispositions to cry.20
Melodious birds sing madrigals--
When as I sat in Pabylon--
And a thousand vagram posies.
To shallow &c.
[Re-enter SIMPLE]
SIMPLEYonder he is coming, this way, Sir Hugh.25
SIR HUGH EVANSHe's welcome.
To shallow rivers, to whose falls-
Heaven prosper the right! What weapons is he?
SIMPLENo weapons, sir. There comes my master, Master
Shallow, and another gentleman, from Frogmore, over30
the stile, this way.
SIR HUGH EVANSPray you, give me my gown; or else keep it in your arms.
SHALLOWHow now, master Parson! Good morrow, good Sir Hugh.
Keep a gamester from the dice, and a good student
from his book, and it is wonderful.35
SLENDER[Aside] Ah, sweet Anne Page!
PAGE'Save you, good Sir Hugh!
SIR HUGH EVANS'Pless you from his mercy sake, all of you!
SHALLOWWhat, the sword and the word! do you study them
both, master parson?40
PAGEAnd youthful still! in your doublet and hose this
raw rheumatic day!
SIR HUGH EVANSThere is reasons and causes for it.
PAGEWe are come to you to do a good office, master parson.
SIR HUGH EVANSFery well: what is it?45
PAGEYonder is a most reverend gentleman, who, belike
having received wrong by some person, is at most
odds with his own gravity and patience that ever you
SHALLOWI have lived fourscore years and upward; I never50
heard a man of his place, gravity and learning, so
wide of his own respect.
PAGEI think you know him; Master Doctor Caius, the
renowned French physician.55
SIR HUGH EVANSGot's will, and his passion of my heart! I had as
lief you would tell me of a mess of porridge.
SIR HUGH EVANSHe has no more knowledge in Hibocrates and Galen,
--and he is a knave besides; a cowardly knave as you60
would desires to be acquainted withal.
PAGEI warrant you, he's the man should fight with him.
SHALLOW[Aside] O sweet Anne Page!
SHALLOWIt appears so by his weapons. Keep them asunder:
here comes Doctor Caius.65
[Enter Host, DOCTOR CAIUS, and RUGBY]
PAGENay, good master parson, keep in your weapon.
SHALLOWSo do you, good master doctor.
HostDisarm them, and let them question: let them keep
their limbs whole and hack our English.
DOCTOR CAIUSI pray you, let-a me speak a word with your ear.70
Vherefore vill you not meet-a me?
SIR HUGH EVANS[Aside to DOCTOR CAIUS] Pray you, use your patience:
in good time.
DOCTOR CAIUSBy gar, you are de coward, de Jack dog, John ape.
SIR HUGH EVANS[Aside to DOCTOR CAIUS] Pray you let us not be 75
laughing-stocks to other men's humours; I desire you
in friendship, and I will one way or other make you amends.
I will knog your urinals about your knave's cockscomb
for missing your meetings and appointments.
DOCTOR CAIUSDiable! Jack Rugby,--mine host de Jarteer,--have I80
not stay for him to kill him? have I not, at de place
I did appoint?
SIR HUGH EVANSAs I am a Christians soul now, look you, this is the
place appointed: I'll be judgement by mine host of
the Garter.85
HostPeace, I say, Gallia and Gaul, French and Welsh,
soul-curer and body-curer!
DOCTOR CAIUSAy, dat is very good; excellent.
HostPeace, I say! hear mine host of the Garter. Am I
politic? am I subtle? am I a Machiavel? Shall I90
lose my doctor? no; he gives me the potions and the
motions. Shall I lose my parson, my priest, my Sir
Hugh? no; he gives me the proverbs and the
no-verbs. Give me thy hand, terrestrial; so. Give me
thy hand, celestial; so. Boys of art, I have95
deceived you both; I have directed you to wrong
places: your hearts are mighty, your skins are
whole, and let burnt sack be the issue. Come, lay
their swords to pawn. Follow me, lads of peace;
follow, follow, follow.100
SHALLOWTrust me, a mad host. Follow, gentlemen, follow.
SLENDER[Aside] O sweet Anne Page!
[Exeunt SHALLOW, SLENDER, PAGE, and Host]
DOCTOR CAIUSHa, do I perceive dat? have you make-a de sot of
us, ha, ha?
SIR HUGH EVANSThis is well; he has made us his vlouting-stog. I105
desire you that we may be friends; and let us knog
our prains together to be revenge on this same
scall, scurvy cogging companion, the host of the Garter.
DOCTOR CAIUSBy gar, with all my heart. He promise to bring me
where is Anne Page; by gar, he deceive me too.110
SIR HUGH EVANSWell, I will smite his noddles. Pray you, follow.

Next: The Merry Wives of Windsor, Act 3, Scene 2


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