Comedy of Errors

Comedy of Errors

ACT I SCENE II	The Mart.
	Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Syracuse, DROMIO of Syracuse,and First Merchant
First Merchant	Therefore give out you are of Epidamnum,
	Lest that your goods too soon be confiscate.
	This very day a Syracusian merchant
	Is apprehended for arrival here;	5
	And not being able to buy out his life
	According to the statute of the town,
	Dies ere the weary sun set in the west.
	There is your money that I had to keep.
ANTIPHOLUSOF SYRACUSE	Go bear it to the Centaur, where we host,	10
	And stay there, Dromio, till I come to thee.
	Within this hour it will be dinner-time:
	Till that, I'll view the manners of the town,
	Peruse the traders, gaze upon the buildings,
	And then return and sleep within mine inn,	15
	For with long travel I am stiff and weary.
	Get thee away.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Many a man would take you at your word,
	And go indeed, having so good a mean.
	Exit
ANTIPHOLUSOF SYRACUSE	A trusty villain, sir, that very oft,	20
	When I am dull with care and melancholy,
	Lightens my humour with his merry jests.
	What, will you walk with me about the town,
	And then go to my inn and dine with me?
First Merchant	I am invited, sir, to certain merchants,	25
	Of whom I hope to make much benefit;
	I crave your pardon. Soon at five o'clock,
	Please you, I'll meet with you upon the mart
	And afterward consort you till bed-time:
	My present business calls me from you now.	30
ANTIPHOLUSOF SYRACUSE	Farewell till then: I will go lose myself
	And wander up and down to view the city.
First Merchant	Sir, I commend you to your own content.
	Exit
ANTIPHOLUSOF SYRACUSE	He that commends me to mine own content
	Commends me to the thing I cannot get.	35
	I to the world am like a drop of water
	That in the ocean seeks another drop,
	Who, falling there to find his fellow forth,
	Unseen, inquisitive, confounds himself:
	So I, to find a mother and a brother,	40
	In quest of them, unhappy, lose myself.
	Enter DROMIO of Ephesus
	Here comes the almanac of my true date.
	What now? how chance thou art return'd so soon?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Return'd so soon! rather approach'd too late:
	The capon burns, the pig falls from the spit,	45
	The clock hath strucken twelve upon the bell;
	My mistress made it one upon my cheek:
	She is so hot because the meat is cold;
	The meat is cold because you come not home;
	You come not home because you have no stomach;	50
	You have no stomach having broke your fast;
	But we that know what 'tis to fast and pray
	Are penitent for your default to-day.
ANTIPHOLUSOF SYRACUSE	Stop in your wind, sir: tell me this, I pray:
	Where have you left the money that I gave you?	55
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	O,--sixpence, that I had o' Wednesday last
	To pay the saddler for my mistress' crupper?
	The saddler had it, sir; I kept it not.
ANTIPHOLUSOF SYRACUSE	I am not in a sportive humour now:
	Tell me, and dally not, where is the money?	60
	We being strangers here, how darest thou trust
	So great a charge from thine own custody?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	I pray you, air, as you sit at dinner:
	I from my mistress come to you in post;
	If I return, I shall be post indeed,	65
	For she will score your fault upon my pate.
	Methinks your maw, like mine, should be your clock,
	And strike you home without a messenger.
ANTIPHOLUSOF SYRACUSE	Come, Dromio, come, these jests are out of season;
	Reserve them till a merrier hour than this.	70
	Where is the gold I gave in charge to thee?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	To me, sir? why, you gave no gold to me.
ANTIPHOLUSOF SYRACUSE	Come on, sir knave, have done your foolishness,
	And tell me how thou hast disposed thy charge.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	My charge was but to fetch you from the mart	75
	Home to your house, the Phoenix, sir, to dinner:
	My mistress and her sister stays for you.
ANTIPHOLUSOF SYRACUSE	In what safe place you have bestow'd my money,
	Or I shall break that merry sconce of yours
	That stands on tricks when I am undisposed:	80
	Where is the thousand marks thou hadst of me?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	I have some marks of yours upon my pate,
	Some of my mistress' marks upon my shoulders,
	But not a thousand marks between you both.
	If I should pay your worship those again,	85
	Perchance you will not bear them patiently.
ANTIPHOLUSOF SYRACUSE	Thy mistress' marks? what mistress, slave, hast thou?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Your worship's wife, my mistress at the Phoenix;
	She that doth fast till you come home to dinner,
	And prays that you will hie you home to dinner.	90
ANTIPHOLUSOF SYRACUSE	What, wilt thou flout me thus unto my face,
	Being forbid? There, take you that, sir knave.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS	What mean you, sir? for God's sake, hold your hands!
	Nay, and you will not, sir, I'll take my heels.
	Exit
ANTIPHOLUSOF SYRACUSE	Upon my life, by some device or other	95
	The villain is o'er-raught of all my money.
	They say this town is full of cozenage,
	As, nimble jugglers that deceive the eye,
	Dark-working sorcerers that change the mind,
	Soul-killing witches that deform the body,	100
	Disguised cheaters, prating mountebanks,
	And many such-like liberties of sin:
	If it prove so, I will be gone the sooner.
	I'll to the Centaur, to go seek this slave:
	I greatly fear my money is not safe.	105
	Exit