As You Like It

As You Like It

ACT V SCENE IV	The forest.
	Enter DUKE SENIOR, AMIENS, JAQUES, ORLANDO, OLIVER,and CELIA
DUKE SENIOR	Dost thou believe, Orlando, that the boy
	Can do all this that he hath promised?
ORLANDO	I sometimes do believe, and sometimes do not;
	As those that fear they hope, and know they fear.	5
	Enter ROSALIND, SILVIUS, and PHEBE
ROSALIND	Patience once more, whiles our compact is urged:
	You say, if I bring in your Rosalind,
	You will bestow her on Orlando here?
DUKE SENIOR	That would I, had I kingdoms to give with her.
ROSALIND	And you say, you will have her, when I bring her?	10
ORLANDO	That would I, were I of all kingdoms king.
ROSALIND	You say, you'll marry me, if I be willing?
PHEBE	That will I, should I die the hour after.
ROSALIND	But if you do refuse to marry me,
	You'll give yourself to this most faithful shepherd?	15
PHEBE	So is the bargain.
ROSALIND	You say, that you'll have Phebe, if she will?
SILVIUS	Though to have her and death were both one thing.
ROSALIND	I have promised to make all this matter even.
	Keep you your word, O duke, to give your daughter;	20
	You yours, Orlando, to receive his daughter:
	Keep your word, Phebe, that you'll marry me,
	Or else refusing me, to wed this shepherd:
	Keep your word, Silvius, that you'll marry her.
	If she refuse me: and from hence I go,	25
	To make these doubts all even.
	Exeunt ROSALIND and CELIA
DUKE SENIOR	I do remember in this shepherd boy
	Some lively touches of my daughter's favour.
ORLANDO	My lord, the first time that I ever saw him
	Methought he was a brother to your daughter:	30
	But, my good lord, this boy is forest-born,
	And hath been tutor'd in the rudiments
	Of many desperate studies by his uncle,
	Whom he reports to be a great magician,
	Obscured in the circle of this forest.	35
	Enter TOUCHSTONE and AUDREY
JAQUES	There is, sure, another flood toward, and these
	couples are coming to the ark. Here comes a pair of
	very strange beasts, which in all tongues are called fools.
TOUCHSTONE	Salutation and greeting to you all!
JAQUES	Good my lord, bid him welcome: this is the	40
	motley-minded gentleman that I have so often met in
	the forest: he hath been a courtier, he swears.
TOUCHSTONE	If any man doubt that, let him put me to my
	purgation. I have trod a measure; I have flattered
	a lady; I have been politic with my friend, smooth	45
	with mine enemy; I have undone three tailors; I have
	had four quarrels, and like to have fought one.
JAQUES	And how was that ta'en up?
TOUCHSTONE	Faith, we met, and found the quarrel was upon the
	seventh cause.	50
JAQUES	How seventh cause? Good my lord, like this fellow.
DUKE SENIOR	I like him very well.
TOUCHSTONE	God 'ild you, sir; I desire you of the like. I
	press in here, sir, amongst the rest of the country
	copulatives, to swear and to forswear: according as	55
	marriage binds and blood breaks: a poor virgin,
	sir, an ill-favoured thing, sir, but mine own; a poor
	humour of mine, sir, to take that that no man else
	will: rich honesty dwells like a miser, sir, in a
	poor house; as your pearl in your foul oyster.	60
DUKE SENIOR	By my faith, he is very swift and sententious.
TOUCHSTONE	According to the fool's bolt, sir, and such dulcet diseases.
JAQUES	But, for the seventh cause; how did you find the
	quarrel on the seventh cause?
TOUCHSTONE	Upon a lie seven times removed:--bear your body more	65
	seeming, Audrey:--as thus, sir. I did dislike the
	cut of a certain courtier's beard: he sent me word,
	if I said his beard was not cut well, he was in the
	mind it was: this is called the Retort Courteous.
	If I sent him word again 'it was not well cut,' he	70
	would send me word, he cut it to please himself:
	this is called the Quip Modest. If again 'it was
	not well cut,' he disabled my judgment: this is
	called the Reply Churlish. If again 'it was not
	well cut,' he would answer, I spake not true: this	75
	is called the Reproof Valiant. If again 'it was not
	well cut,' he would say I lied: this is called the
	Counter-cheque Quarrelsome: and so to the Lie
	Circumstantial and the Lie Direct.
JAQUES	And how oft did you say his beard was not well cut?	80
TOUCHSTONE	I durst go no further than the Lie Circumstantial,
	nor he durst not give me the Lie Direct; and so we
	measured swords and parted.
JAQUES	Can you nominate in order now the degrees of the lie?
TOUCHSTONE	O sir, we quarrel in print, by the book; as you have	85
	books for good manners: I will name you the degrees.
	The first, the Retort Courteous; the second, the
	Quip Modest; the third, the Reply Churlish; the
	fourth, the Reproof Valiant; the fifth, the
	Countercheque Quarrelsome; the sixth, the Lie with	90
	Circumstance; the seventh, the Lie Direct. All
	these you may avoid but the Lie Direct; and you may
	avoid that too, with an If. I knew when seven
	justices could not take up a quarrel, but when the
	parties were met themselves, one of them thought but	95
	of an If, as, 'If you said so, then I said so;' and
	they shook hands and swore brothers. Your If is the
	only peacemaker; much virtue in If.
JAQUES	Is not this a rare fellow, my lord? he's as good at
	any thing and yet a fool.	100
DUKE SENIOR	He uses his folly like a stalking-horse and under
	the presentation of that he shoots his wit.
	Enter HYMEN, ROSALIND, and CELIA
	Still Music
HYMEN	Then is there mirth in heaven,
	When earthly things made even
	Atone together.	105
	Good duke, receive thy daughter
	Hymen from heaven brought her,
	Yea, brought her hither,
	That thou mightst join her hand with his
	Whose heart within his bosom is.	110
ROSALIND	To DUKE SENIOR
	To ORLANDO
	To you I give myself, for I am yours.
DUKE SENIOR	If there be truth in sight, you are my daughter.
ORLANDO	If there be truth in sight, you are my Rosalind.
PHEBE	If sight and shape be true,
	Why then, my love adieu!	115
ROSALIND	I'll have no father, if you be not he:
	I'll have no husband, if you be not he:
	Nor ne'er wed woman, if you be not she.
HYMEN	Peace, ho! I bar confusion:
	'Tis I must make conclusion	120
	Of these most strange events:
	Here's eight that must take hands
	To join in Hymen's bands,
	If truth holds true contents.
	You and you no cross shall part:	125
	You and you are heart in heart
	You to his love must accord,
	Or have a woman to your lord:
	You and you are sure together,
	As the winter to foul weather.	130
	Whiles a wedlock-hymn we sing,
	Feed yourselves with questioning;
	That reason wonder may diminish,
	How thus we met, and these things finish.
		135
	SONG.
	Wedding is great Juno's crown:
	O blessed bond of board and bed!
	'Tis Hymen peoples every town;
	High wedlock then be honoured:	140
	Honour, high honour and renown,
	To Hymen, god of every town!
DUKE SENIOR	O my dear niece, welcome thou art to me!
	Even daughter, welcome, in no less degree.
PHEBE	I will not eat my word, now thou art mine;	145
	Thy faith my fancy to thee doth combine.
	Enter JAQUES DE BOYS
JAQUES DE BOYS	Let me have audience for a word or two:
	I am the second son of old Sir Rowland,
	That bring these tidings to this fair assembly.
	Duke Frederick, hearing how that every day	150
	Men of great worth resorted to this forest,
	Address'd a mighty power; which were on foot,
	In his own conduct, purposely to take
	His brother here and put him to the sword:
	And to the skirts of this wild wood he came;	155
	Where meeting with an old religious man,
	After some question with him, was converted
	Both from his enterprise and from the world,
	His crown bequeathing to his banish'd brother,
	And all their lands restored to them again	160
	That were with him exiled. This to be true,
	I do engage my life.
DUKE SENIOR	Welcome, young man;
	Thou offer'st fairly to thy brothers' wedding:
	To one his lands withheld, and to the other	165
	A land itself at large, a potent dukedom.
	First, in this forest, let us do those ends
	That here were well begun and well begot:
	And after, every of this happy number
	That have endured shrewd days and nights with us	170
	Shall share the good of our returned fortune,
	According to the measure of their states.
	Meantime, forget this new-fall'n dignity
	And fall into our rustic revelry.
	Play, music! And you, brides and bridegrooms all,	175
	With measure heap'd in joy, to the measures fall.
JAQUES	Sir, by your patience. If I heard you rightly,
	The duke hath put on a religious life
	And thrown into neglect the pompous court?
JAQUES DE BOYS	He hath.	180
JAQUES	To him will I : out of these convertites
	There is much matter to be heard and learn'd.
	To DUKE SENIOR
	You to your former honour I bequeath;
	Your patience and your virtue well deserves it:
	To ORLANDO
	You to a love that your true faith doth merit:	185
	To OLIVER
	You to your land and love and great allies:
	To SILVIUS
	You to a long and well-deserved bed:
	To TOUCHSTONE
	And you to wrangling; for thy loving voyage
	Is but for two months victuall'd. So, to your pleasures:
	I am for other than for dancing measures.	190
DUKE SENIOR	Stay, Jaques, stay.
JAQUES	To see no pastime I what you would have
	I'll stay to know at your abandon'd cave.
	Exit
DUKE SENIOR	Proceed, proceed: we will begin these rites,
	As we do trust they'll end, in true delights.	195
	A dance
	AS YOU LIKE IT
	EPILOGUE
ROSALIND	It is not the fashion to see the lady the epilogue;
	but it is no more unhandsome than to see the lord
	the prologue. If it be true that good wine needs	200
	no bush, 'tis true that a good play needs no
	epilogue; yet to good wine they do use good bushes,
	and good plays prove the better by the help of good
	epilogues. What a case am I in then, that am
	neither a good epilogue nor cannot insinuate with	205
	you in the behalf of a good play! I am not
	furnished like a beggar, therefore to beg will not
	become me: my way is to conjure you; and I'll begin
	with the women. I charge you, O women, for the love
	you bear to men, to like as much of this play as	210
	please you: and I charge you, O men, for the love
	you bear to women--as I perceive by your simpering,
	none of you hates them--that between you and the
	women the play may please. If I were a woman I
	would kiss as many of you as had beards that pleased	215
	me, complexions that liked me and breaths that I
	defied not: and, I am sure, as many as have good
	beards or good faces or sweet breaths will, for my
	kind offer, when I make curtsy, bid me farewell.
	Exeunt