King Henry IV, Part I

King Henry IV, Part I

ACT IV SCENE II	A public road near Coventry.
	Enter FALSTAFF and BARDOLPH
FALSTAFF	Bardolph, get thee before to Coventry; fill me a
	bottle of sack: our soldiers shall march through;
	we'll to Sutton Co'fil' tonight.
BARDOLPH	Will you give me money, captain?	5
FALSTAFF	Lay out, lay out.
BARDOLPH	This bottle makes an angel.
FALSTAFF	An if it do, take it for thy labour; and if it make
	twenty, take them all; I'll answer the coinage. Bid
	my lieutenant Peto meet me at town's end.	10
BARDOLPH	I will, captain: farewell.
	Exit
FALSTAFF	If I be not ashamed of my soldiers, I am a soused
	gurnet. I have misused the king's press damnably.
	I have got, in exchange of a hundred and fifty
	soldiers, three hundred and odd pounds. I press me	15
	none but good house-holders, yeoman's sons; inquire
	me out contracted bachelors, such as had been asked
	twice on the banns; such a commodity of warm slaves,
	as had as lieve hear the devil as a drum; such as
	fear the report of a caliver worse than a struck	20
	fowl or a hurt wild-duck. I pressed me none but such
	toasts-and-butter, with hearts in their bellies no
	bigger than pins' heads, and they have bought out
	their services; and now my whole charge consists of
	ancients, corporals, lieutenants, gentlemen of	25
	companies, slaves as ragged as Lazarus in the
	painted cloth, where the glutton's dogs licked his
	sores; and such as indeed were never soldiers, but
	discarded unjust serving-men, younger sons to
	younger brothers, revolted tapsters and ostlers	30
	trade-fallen, the cankers of a calm world and a
	long peace, ten times more dishonourable ragged than
	an old faced ancient: and such have I, to fill up
	the rooms of them that have bought out their
	services, that you would think that I had a hundred	35
	and fifty tattered prodigals lately come from
	swine-keeping, from eating draff and husks. A mad
	fellow met me on the way and told me I had unloaded
	all the gibbets and pressed the dead bodies. No eye
	hath seen such scarecrows. I'll not march through	40
	Coventry with them, that's flat: nay, and the
	villains march wide betwixt the legs, as if they had
	gyves on; for indeed I had the most of them out of
	prison. There's but a shirt and a half in all my
	company; and the half shirt is two napkins tacked	45
	together and thrown over the shoulders like an
	herald's coat without sleeves; and the shirt, to say
	the truth, stolen from my host at Saint Alban's, or
	the red-nose innkeeper of Daventry. But that's all
	one; they'll find linen enough on every hedge.	50
	Enter the PRINCE and WESTMORELAND
PRINCE HENRY	How now, blown Jack! how now, quilt!
FALSTAFF	What, Hal! how now, mad wag! what a devil dost thou
	in Warwickshire? My good Lord of Westmoreland, I
	cry you mercy: I thought your honour had already been
	at Shrewsbury.	55
WESTMORELAND	Faith, Sir John,'tis more than time that I were
	there, and you too; but my powers are there already.
	The king, I can tell you, looks for us all: we must
	away all night.
FALSTAFF	Tut, never fear me: I am as vigilant as a cat to	60
	steal cream.
PRINCE HENRY	I think, to steal cream indeed, for thy theft hath
	already made thee butter. But tell me, Jack, whose
	fellows are these that come after?
FALSTAFF	Mine, Hal, mine.	65
PRINCE HENRY	I did never see such pitiful rascals.
FALSTAFF	Tut, tut; good enough to toss; food for powder, food
	for powder; they'll fill a pit as well as better:
	tush, man, mortal men, mortal men.
WESTMORELAND	Ay, but, Sir John, methinks they are exceeding poor	70
	and bare, too beggarly.
FALSTAFF	'Faith, for their poverty, I know not where they had
	that; and for their bareness, I am sure they never
	learned that of me.
PRINCE HENRY	No I'll be sworn; unless you call three fingers on	75
	the ribs bare. But, sirrah, make haste: Percy is
	already in the field.
FALSTAFF	What, is the king encamped?
WESTMORELAND	He is, Sir John: I fear we shall stay too long.
FALSTAFF	Well,	80
	To the latter end of a fray and the beginning of a feast
	Fits a dull fighter and a keen guest.
	Exeunt