King Henry IV, Part I

King Henry IV, Part I

ACT II SCENE II	The highway, near Gadshill.
	Enter PRINCE HENRY and POINS
POINS	Come, shelter, shelter: I have removed Falstaff's
	horse, and he frets like a gummed velvet.
PRINCE HENRY	Stand close.
	Enter FALSTAFF
FALSTAFF	Poins! Poins, and be hanged! Poins!	5
PRINCE HENRY	Peace, ye fat-kidneyed rascal! what a brawling dost
	thou keep!
FALSTAFF	Where's Poins, Hal?
PRINCE HENRY	He is walked up to the top of the hill: I'll go seek him.
FALSTAFF	I am accursed to rob in that thief's company: the	10
	rascal hath removed my horse, and tied him I know
	not where. If I travel but four foot by the squier
	further afoot, I shall break my wind. Well, I doubt
	not but to die a fair death for all this, if I
	'scape hanging for killing that rogue. I have	15
	forsworn his company hourly any time this two and
	twenty years, and yet I am bewitched with the
	rogue's company. If the rascal hath not given me
	medicines to make me love him, I'll be hanged; it
	could not be else: I have drunk medicines. Poins!	20
	Hal! a plague upon you both! Bardolph! Peto!
	I'll starve ere I'll rob a foot further. An 'twere
	not as good a deed as drink, to turn true man and to
	leave these rogues, I am the veriest varlet that
	ever chewed with a tooth. Eight yards of uneven	25
	ground is threescore and ten miles afoot with me;
	and the stony-hearted villains know it well enough:
	a plague upon it when thieves cannot be true one to another!
	They whistle
	Whew! A plague upon you all! Give me my horse, you
	rogues; give me my horse, and be hanged!	30
PRINCE HENRY	Peace, ye fat-guts! lie down; lay thine ear close
	to the ground and list if thou canst hear the tread
	of travellers.
FALSTAFF	Have you any levers to lift me up again, being down?
	'Sblood, I'll not bear mine own flesh so far afoot	35
	again for all the coin in thy father's exchequer.
	What a plague mean ye to colt me thus?
PRINCE HENRY	Thou liest; thou art not colted, thou art uncolted.
FALSTAFF	I prithee, good Prince Hal, help me to my horse,
	good king's son.	40
PRINCE HENRY	Out, ye rogue! shall I be your ostler?
FALSTAFF	Go, hang thyself in thine own heir-apparent
	garters! If I be ta'en, I'll peach for this. An I
	have not ballads made on you all and sung to filthy
	tunes, let a cup of sack be my poison: when a jest	45
	is so forward, and afoot too! I hate it.
	Enter GADSHILL, BARDOLPH and PETO
GADSHILL	Stand.
FALSTAFF	So I do, against my will.
POINS	O, 'tis our setter: I know his voice. Bardolph,
	what news?	50
BARDOLPH	Case ye, case ye; on with your vizards: there 's
	money of the king's coming down the hill; 'tis going
	to the king's exchequer.
FALSTAFF	You lie, ye rogue; 'tis going to the king's tavern.
GADSHILL	There's enough to make us all.	55
FALSTAFF	To be hanged.
PRINCE HENRY	Sirs, you four shall front them in the narrow lane;
	Ned Poins and I will walk lower: if they 'scape
	from your encounter, then they light on us.
PETO	How many be there of them?	60
GADSHILL	Some eight or ten.
FALSTAFF	'Zounds, will they not rob us?
PRINCE HENRY	What, a coward, Sir John Paunch?
FALSTAFF	Indeed, I am not John of Gaunt, your grandfather;
	but yet no coward, Hal.	65
PRINCE HENRY	Well, we leave that to the proof.
POINS	Sirrah Jack, thy horse stands behind the hedge:
	when thou needest him, there thou shalt find him.
	Farewell, and stand fast.
FALSTAFF	Now cannot I strike him, if I should be hanged.	70
PRINCE HENRY	Ned, where are our disguises?
POINS	Here, hard by: stand close.
	Exeunt PRINCE HENRY and POINS
FALSTAFF	Now, my masters, happy man be his dole, say I:
	every man to his business.
	Enter the Travellers
First Traveller	Come, neighbour: the boy shall lead our horses down	75
	the hill; we'll walk afoot awhile, and ease our legs.
Thieves	Stand!
Travellers	Jesus bless us!
FALSTAFF	Strike; down with them; cut the villains' throats:
	ah! whoreson caterpillars! bacon-fed knaves! they	80
	hate us youth: down with them: fleece them.
Travellers	O, we are undone, both we and ours for ever!
FALSTAFF	Hang ye, gorbellied knaves, are ye undone? No, ye
	fat chuffs: I would your store were here! On,
	bacons, on! What, ye knaves! young men must live.	85
	You are Grand-jurors, are ye? we'll jure ye, 'faith.
	Here they rob them and bind them. Exeunt
	Re-enter PRINCE HENRY and POINS
PRINCE HENRY	The thieves have bound the true men. Now could thou
	and I rob the thieves and go merrily to London, it
	would be argument for a week, laughter for a month
	and a good jest for ever.	90
POINS	Stand close; I hear them coming.
	Enter the Thieves again
FALSTAFF	Come, my masters, let us share, and then to horse
	before day. An the Prince and Poins be not two
	arrant cowards, there's no equity stirring: there's
	no more valour in that Poins than in a wild-duck.	95
PRINCE HENRY	Your money!
POINS	Villains!
	As they are sharing, the Prince and Poins set uponthem; they all run away; and Falstaff, after a blowor two, runs away too, leaving the booty behind them
PRINCE HENRY	Got with much ease. Now merrily to horse:
	The thieves are all scatter'd and possess'd with fear
	So strongly that they dare not meet each other;	100
	Each takes his fellow for an officer.
	Away, good Ned. Falstaff sweats to death,
	And lards the lean earth as he walks along:
	Were 't not for laughing, I should pity him.
POINS	How the rogue roar'd!	105
	Exeunt